The boyz are back in town...

It's not all Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan round at Connolly Towers. I used to have a sneaky fondness for Take That back in the day and now that I don't really care what anyone thinks and don't believe in the concept of guilty pleasures (you either like it or you don't - no guilt required) I'm more than happy to see that their comeback has been one of the great pop success stories of the last 18 months.

Boyzone, however, are a completely different bag of tools though. And what tools! Right from that 'legendary' appearance on the Late Late show in '93, they were exposed as nothing more than a bunch of opportunistic chancers. There's nothing wrong with that, of course - there's been plenty of chancers before and since Boyzone's glory dayz. But the way that they modelled themselves on Take That's template showed such a lack of imagination that you couldn't really afford them them very much goodwill. When they split up in.. actually when did they split up? I think Westlife had already arrived to knock them off their perch by then, so Boyzone's demise really didn't have any impact.. When Take That split up in '96 it was front page news. By the time this mob called it a day, nobody cared anymore..

And that's the way it stayed. Ronan had his solo career (more covers, a few originals, public falling-out with Louis Walsh all resulting in dwindling sales), Keith turned to acting (go on admit it - he wasn't at all bad in the Street) and the rest fell back into comfortable obscurity (Shane - Celebrity Love Island, Mikey - Fatal Deviation, Steven - em.....). But with one eye on Take That's triumphant return and another on their bank statement, they're back! Turns out they didn't really hate each other at all and now they're going to tour as a favour to all their loyal fans.. Personally I think they could be going for a bit of a tumble.. Have a look at their performance last week on the Children in Need telethon and tell me they've still got it. Whatever 'it' was in the first place. As you'd expect, Ronan is still running the show. It looks like Mikey and Keith would rather be anywhere else than on that stage. And what's the story with Keith Duffy's popeye arms? Give that man a shirt! He looks twice the size as everyone else. Mikey's been enjoying some long lunches too, judging on his appearance. I've nothing against people working out in the gym or putting on weight (I've done the same myself - albeit more of the latter than the former) but if you're going to reform a band whose popularity was based on physical attraction to girls and (some) boys and athleticism (can you imagine there's going to be many dance routines this time round?) you really need to look the part. That's the rule. Take That got that bit right - even Gary. Their reunion has been a success because they've got the look right and they've got the songs. It doesn't look like Boyzone have either..



Maybe I'm wrong but I think they're going to be looking at at a lot of empty seats in the coming months. I don't know where teenage girls' adoration of these groups go but when it goes, it's gone.. And unless you've got a really good plan, it's not coming back.

Now, when can we look forward to the East17 reunion?

Left red-faced

I'm sure he has better things to worry about today (like what to do with his £2.5 million payout from the FA) but don't you think the Guardian could've picked a better picture of Steve McClaren for their homepage today? I know he's not the best-looking man in the world but this one's a bit harsh..

Looks like Steve needs some of Smashbox' Colour Correcting Foundation Primer. It goes on green but works a treat for red faced football coaches!
There I go again - always trying to make life better for my fellow gingers..

End of an Era..

Bruce Springsteen has been touring the US for the last 2 months or so with the E Street Band. After touring solo and with his new band over the last few years, it's great to see him back with the gang that he'll forever be associated with. Most of them have been with him since the early to mid 70s. Some, like Danny Federici (above) and Garry Tallent, go back even further than that. In a recent interview he talked about his pride that of all the bands of his generation, the E Street Band have stood alone by avoiding the cliches of other rock bands and staying alive and staying together. No drug busts or stupid rock casualties with his mob. Right from teh beginning of his career, he's always said that they wanted to play for as long as they could and that they didn't buy into any of the 'live fast, die young' mythology that's been the curse of most of his contemporaries. That commitment to each other and their audience has resulted in the current tour being as exciting and vital as any that's come before it..

But eventually time catches up and your luck runs out. Yesterday Springsteen's website announced that Danny Federici, the band's organist is taking a leave of absence to receive treatment for melanoma. Rumours had been floating around the internet that he was going to be replaced for the European shows but nothing was official until yesterday. During the last few shows the band have been playing more and more of the songs that spotlight Danny and although nothing was ever said onstage, it was clear that there was something going on. Instead of making an announcement several weeks ago and letting the shows become a long goodbye, the band just did what they've always done best – go on stage and deliver the best 2 and a half hours that they possibly can. Then at the end of the show on Monday night, as the band took their final bows, Springsteen walked over to Danny, embraced him and led him to the centre of the stage where the audience and band could show him their love and appreciation..



I know I'm just a bit of a sentimental old goat but I found the whole thing very touching.. Let's hope he's back in the fold soon. Although, looking at the way the band are behaving you wouldn't bet on it, would you?

Oh - here's a performance of Kitty's Back from about 5 years ago that I've always meant to post up here. This seems like as good a time as any..

Ooops - nobody told me!

Finger Prince

Can you tell who this is? I’ve been a bit late reading about this but it seems Prince is trying to sue several of his fansites for using images of him without his permission. He’s thrown a little purple hissyfit because housequake.com, princefans.com and prince.org, have been using his images to promote some sort of web community to promote, let’s see, oh - Prince. Needless to say, the fansites have responded with incredulity and hopefully much laughter at the madness of it all. Actually they've formed an alliance called PFU (Prince Fans United) and are fighting back. And good for them. In a nerdish kinda way.

One of the articles I read claims he’s planning to ‘reclaim the internet’. Well good luck with that, Prince. Where’s he going to put the internet? He’s going to need a pretty big hard drive to keep that to himself! What next? Is he going to try to reclaim air or water or something?

Prince: 'Bring me all the water’.
Prince’s little helper: 'What? All the water? Where are you going to keep it?'
Prince: 'In the sea, of course. Where nobody can get at it.'
Prince’s little helper: 'Oh..'

Part of his problem is that he never gave permission for his image to be spread all over the web. Well that’s fair enough but I never gave permission for him to show up in my record shops or on my radio and tv. And nobody ever asked me if it was ok for the clown to come and play live in town but that decision was taken out of my hands too. So can’t we all just live and let live..

I don’t know where the image above (which obviously isn’t Prince - otherwise I could be in trouble) came from. I got it on a webiste but God knows (or in Prince’s case, Jehovah) where they got it. Worse than that though - I haven’t asked for anyone’s permission. I haven’t even told my mother. Although I might mention it when I call at the weekend.

This is a picture that Steve in London took when he went to see Prince in August. I got Steve's permission to use this but again, I haven’t talked to Prince. I hope I’m not getting Steve in trouble becuase I don’t think he got permssion to take the photo either. Oh - we’re all going to jail! Or else nothing is going to happen at all. Yes - I’m sure that’ll be it..

Actually in case Prince reads this and gets annoyed, Steve told me he was very good in the 02. Perhaps he should stick to that and stop biting the hand that’s feeding him..

Ahshadduppa Gervais!

I'm not sure whether or not to believe this report about Ricky Gervais having a go at Woody Allen. It was on breakingnews.ie this morning so it must be true! They got it from somewhere called starpulse. Is starpulse.com a good source? Maybe not. I'd like to think Gervais is a bit smarter than this. Michael in Prague sent me a link this morning of old Woody Allen interviews from the 70s and watching them earlier I was reminded of just how funny he was back then.. He's still pretty good now - his book of short stories, Mere Anarchy, is the funniest thing I've read this year. Of course some of it isn't funny at all but for the most part he's hitting the mark.

Anyway, apparently Ricky refused to be in Woody Allen's new film because he was unimpressed with the quality of his potential co-stars. According to Ricky, Woody Allen just isn't Woody Allen anymore. Well, now where do we start picking apart something like that. Given the vitriolic nature of Gervias' response to critics this year you'd think he'd have a bit more sense than to attack the funniest film maker of the last 40 years. I know I sometimes throw out comments like this on the blog (Bob Dylan being the most significant artist of the last 50 years is one. Frank Carter from Gallows not being the next is another) but seriously who else is there? Apart from Rob Schneider and Chevy Chase of course.

I went to see Stardust last week. It's as wooly as an Aran sweater factory and as lumpy as a bucket of porridge but I suppose it wasn't terrible. Far too long though (it's about 2 and a half hours, it felt like several days) and clearly under the misapprehension that it was some kind of epic quest when in fact it's a just a dodgy knock-off of the Princess Bride (rocky ground as far as I'm concerned). In the middle of it sat Ricky Gervais. He played some kind of market trader (Ferdy the Fence, I believe) engaged in a spot of bartering with Robert De Niro's cross-dressing air pirate (no, really). Anyway, Ricky did what Ricky always does but in the middle of it, in response to some nonsense or other, he exclaimed: "Are you having a laugh?". Wouldn't you think that he'd be trying to put as much distance between himself and that catchphrase? He probably thought he was being ironic but really you can only take irony so far, can't you? Funny that for someone who supposedly transformed British comedy by trying to get as far as possible away from the traditional sitcom format, it's starting to look like he's going to be remembered for a daft catchphrase and a silly dance. A bit like Frank Spencer or Manuel from Fawlty Towers. Now, that's irony!

Woody Allen may not be making funny films anymore (and I hear his next one, Cassandra's Dream, is particularly bleak) but at least he's still trying to make good films and doesn't seem to spend his spare time at home counting his awards and sniping about other people. Although given his, ahem, chequered past, perhaps we shouldn't really dwell on what he does at home for very long!

Bricking it

I love this. Somebody has gone to the trouble of creating little animated films of lego figures set to Eddie Izzard's stand-up comedy. There's lots of really great animation all over the place nowadays and we're all in awe of what the PIXAR people can do at the cinema but how great is it to see somebody being this inventive with such a clunky format?

There's lots of these videos on youtube so I'm just going to put up a couple of favourites..

Will gargle for money..

It's hard to be surprised by the lengths some people go to sell records, especially when they think no-one's looking. While the rest of us rejoice at all the hidden gems to be found on youtube, you have to imagine that a lot of singers and bands would rather that some of their appearances overseas had remained in the vaults.

Here's a couple of great examples from German tv. First we have Celine Dion gargling water to the tune of her hit single 'My Heart Will Go On'. You have to admire her for having a go. Incidentally I was looking at the press ads for her new album and tour at the weekend. How much work do we think she's had done? And if she hasn't had any, how much photoshoppery did it take to get her looking like that?



Second, there's a clip of laughing Leonard Cohen singing the much-covered Hallelujah sometime in the late 80s. Rather than throwing an artistic hissy fit, Len goes along with the producer's idea of having a children's choir hiding behind pillars waiting for their moment to join in.. It's not a great performance really but I love the kid hiding behind the pillar who sneaks his head around at about 35 seconds to see what's going on. And then he misses his queue!

Your own worst NME

I swear I only do this for the puntastic titles.

Anyway, anybody know who this is? Anyone? Nope - me neither. Rock magazine NME has just published its annual cool list and this cheeky fella is officially the coolest person in rock. I know it's an annual list because some of the lucky coolheads have a number beside their name indicating how cooler or warmer they are than this timne last year. Our friend here is Frank Carter from Gallows. Not that you'll need to remember it. As you can see from the list, below, Frank arrived from nowhere to arrive at the top of the list and I daresay he picked up a return ticket before starting his journey..

To save you the bother I've done a little bit of research into young Frank. According the the list, 2007 was the year that punk broke again (really? again? what's it been - about 10 minutes since it last broke?) and Frank led the charge. It then adds menacingly "It was blood at first sight..." Jesus - and he seems like such a nice young boy.

But then I started to read that Frank, or Frankie-boy, as his friends probably don't call him, has been having a hard time lately. It seems the blood spilling, punk-charging king of cool has been feeling the pressure of being the man of the moment. This is what he had to say at a recent show:

"I'm going to level with you guys, I was out there crying before because I don't know if I can do this any more," Carter declared from the stage. "I don't know if I can play for you cunts any more." "I was on the phone to my mum and I said, 'I've had enough of this shit'. My mum said to me, 'You're just like me, you care too much'," explained Carter, adding that Gallows would continue. "It's too important for us to quit."

Brings a tear to the eye doesn't it? You have to wonder what's going to happen to th poor lamb when he actualy starts to sell records and play big gigs. If he's cool now and nobody really knows him, well the only way is down, isn't it? How times change. When things were getting too much for Sid Vicious, punk's original trailblazer and (literally) blood-spiller, did he cry and call his mum? Actually he did, didn't he? But that was because he'd just killed his girlfriend (maybe) and needed heroin. And his good old mum did the right thing. She visited him, gave him his gear and he promptly died. I wonder did Sid ever get to the top of an NME list. I'm sure he must have. Still - it sounds like Frank needs to toughen up a bit.

Here's the Top 10. I've made up a couple for kicks.. Obviously I haven't made up Keith Richards at no.10. Nobody could make that up..

1. Frank Carter – Gallows
2. Jamie Reynolds – Klaxons (13)
3. Sexxyheels – Spank (10)
4. Ryan Jarman – The Cribs
5. Dirty Slax - The Growlers
6. Alex Turner – Arctic Monkeys (32)
7. Kate Nash
8. Amy Winehouse (50)
9. Kitty Kaht – The Fucknothings (1)
10. Keith Richards – The Rolling Stones (26)

Rub it in

It's been an interesting few weeks of new experiences.. In the last month or so I've gone to a solo jazz performance (Brad Meldhau in Vicar Street. It was good but I would have enjoyed it a lot more if I'd known beforehand that I wouldn't have to pay for my ticket - cheers Steve!), tested a ridiculous foot detoxifier thing (still not feeling any cleaner or better for it), paid to have my hair cut and styled by a professional using scissors as opposed to the usual wash & buzz I've been getting for years (nobody noticed the difference by the way. Bastards!) And as discussed elsewhere I gave blood for the first time recently. Incidentally I got my blood donor's card in the post the other day - my type is A RhD Positive. I'm happy with that - it sounds good. I like to think of it as 2 letters better than a PhD. And positive is good, isn't it? My blood is the glass half full variety. I don't think I could have chosen better if I had the chance.

Anyway, to that ever-growing list came another new experience last Friday. Before heading away to Cork and Tipperary for the weekend I went out to Clonee for my first massage. I've never really had an opinion about massages but a quick poll amongst friends revealed many differing opinions. Some swear by them while others can't get with all the touching and rubbing and revert to flinching wrecks at the first chance (I've always been a bit of a flincher, myself). But I had an opporunity to get one, it was costing me nothing (and unlike the jazz gig, I knew it was costing nothing before I took anything off) and I didn't see why I shouldn't give it a go. The closest I've ver come to getting a massage before was in Peru 2 years ago after Steve and I had walked the Inca Trail. There were lots of establishments in Cusco offering us all kinds of treatments and, ahem, relief packages (or should that be package relief) but we never got around to going. I think we were half worried that when they finished with us, they'd offer us a little something extra to send us home with a smile on our faces. Of course we were also half worried that when they finished they wouldn't offer us the same deal but let's not dwell on that..

So, the massage. Well first of all there was a questionnaire. Of course there was. You can't do anything anymore would someone asking you if you have Herpes or Diabetes or warts or Lumbago.. I think I liked the Blood people's questions a bit more. They suggested a life of irresponsibility and wreckless living, as opposed to one of chewed fingernails and acne. Give me unsafe sex with a hooker in Uganda instead of mangey skin every time. Although perhaps one leads to the other.. In any event, I think I fibbed on most of the questions. I didn't see what any of it had to with giving me a massage so I had some fun with it before moving on to the glossy magazines lying around the place..

When it was my turn, a pretty lady, I think it was Tracy, let me into a small room, handed me a towel and told me take my shirt off, lie face down on the table and put the towel over me. She said she'd give me a few minutes and left the room. I immediately saw a flaw and my mind started racing.. If I'm lying face down on a bench, how am I going to cover myself with the towel? And if my back is covered, is she going to massage me under the towel? Or over it? Surely not. And if I'm not covering my back, what am I covering? Am I supposed to be completely naked? Perhaps. But who wants to get that wrong? I didn't want Tracy coming in to find me lying face down in the altogether. Actually at this stage it had been so long since she left that I started to imagine Tracy coming back in with me in mid climb. Naked. Jesus - how can something so simple become so complicated? In the end I lay down on the bench with the towel by my side and waited for Tracey to come back and sort me out. In fact the towel was supposed to be tucked the towel into my jeans. I guess to stop the oils and whatnots from going where they weren't wanted..

Once she came back and started, I relaxed into it a little bit and let my face fall through the little hole in the bench. I was surprised to see when I looked through the hole that they had put a candle on the floor. Is that strange? I mean there was about a hundred candles in the room, I really didn't need to see another one. Then I got thinking that it wouldn't have killed them to put a newspaper or magazine on a stool under the hole. My arms could fit under the bench - I could have read while Tracy did her thing. Would that have been rude? I mean I was told it's a compliment if you fall asleep during a massage. Is it an insult if you do the crossword? I can't imagine she'd have minded.

A quick word about the massage itself. Well, it was wonderful. I loved the whole experience. It took me a while to get used to what was going on - as I said I'm a bit of a flincher - but once I settled into it I was loving it. I had a Reiki session before and while I didn't manage to shut off completely during the massage the way I did during Reiki, it was still blissfully relaxing. I lay there, chilling out, enjoying the peace and quiet and thinking about colleagues and friends who were rushing about their Friday business while I drifted off. Off in the distance I heard a bell sound but it didn't occur to me that it was a doorbell til Tracy stopped what she was doing and told me she'd be back in a minute. She went outside, leaving the door open and letting in a draught and some invasive bright lights. I could hear her having a bit of a ding-dong with a woman who was coming in looking for a nail appointment. The woman had a child with her who was looking for sweets and I heard the mother scolding the child while Tracy tried to look after her. I've got to say it broke the mood a bit. I don't know if they have a receptionist in there or what was going on but I don't think a masseuse should be walking out mid-stroke.. Look - suddenly I'm the expert! Anyway, the exchange went on for about 90 seconds before Tracy came back.. In a way it didnt really matter if she came back at all. By then the mood was broken and I couldn't relly relax again.

Tracy worked away for about 5 minutes and then broke away to wash up a fresh towel to put on my back. She left it on me and told me that we were finished and I could have a few minues to relax and get dressed. She left and once again my mind started to race. How long do I have? Should I just lie here? If I just lie here am I supposed to sleep? What if I fall asleep? Can I wash up? Can they play any music other than pan-pipes? In the end I lay there with my eyes open looking through the hole in the bench and wondering what to do. So I did what anyone would do in the same position. I tried to blow out the candle that was flickering away on the floor under the bench. I gave it my best shot, moving my position, varying the pressure of my breath and trying to create a wind shield with the towel that was no longer tucked in to my jeans. In the end I failed, and I grumpily gathered up my belongings and left the room. Stopping to stoop and blow the candle out as I left.

That'll teach them to interupt my massage.. Very enjoyable all the same. Not sure I'd rush back to there (it's a little bit out of the way) but I'll definitely have another massage. I like the idea of Hot Stones. Or deep tissue. Maybe I'm not ready for that though..