As you were..

I know I go on about this all the time but today is the day that new legislation for driving is coming in to place. Provisional drivers, or drivers with learner permits as we know must call them, must have a qualified driver with them at all times in the car. Even drivers on their second provisional licence - sorry, learner permits, must now go along with these pesky road traffic laws..

If they don't have accompaniment, they face fines and points on their licences. And if they decide to throw the police off the scent by not displaying their L plates, they face an on-the-spot fine of €1000.

That's great, of course and it's not a moment too soon. But as always the language used around these things is always interesting. I heard on the news last week, and again in the article, that the police will enforce this legislation just like any other road traffic legislation. That's not really good enough is it? Is it too much to expect the legislation to be enforced consistently and without prejudice. Drivers in Ireland surely know that enforcing driving laws in this country is an arbitrary affair and seems to depend on the guard in question's workload for the day and his (and it's always a male guard) general mood on a given day. Which means that many people don't pay any attention to laws about mobile phones, seat belts, driving with a qualified driver and road tax. I mean why would they? Let's see if all this new legislation changes anything. I'd like to be surprised. I won't hold my breath though.

The Chief Executive of the Road Safety Authority Noel Brett said today: "The best advice we can give to people is to go to a qualified driving instructor, take lessons, identify a suitable person to accompany and mentor you while driving, get practice in and when your instructor thinks you’re ready apply for your test".

Sometimes the best ideas are the most obvious ones.

Free Times

Hurrah! The Irish Times website is, at last, now free and available to one and all.. The site has been available to subscribers only for a long time but, as of today, they're opening up their big hall door and welcoming us inside for a look around.

It's very nice too. Around the office it's been getting the kind of comments that newspaper sites always get - Very clean, easy to navigate etc.. Which is the least you'd expect I suppose.

I wonder how they're going to pay for it though. It was only last year that they had their big colourful relaunch and now they're updating their site and giving it to the world. Will advertising cover it all? Given the bad news we learnt last week (well we knew about it for ages but it's official now, isn't it?) about the economy and what we read about the difficulties facing the newspaper industry worldwide, I imagine all of this could have come at a better time for the Times?

Still - that's their problem, isn't it? We're in a recession and I don't have to pay for my crossword anymore. That's a tenner I've saved this week without even getting up off my chair. This economic downturn is going to b a doddle!

Just in case your microwave isn't working..

I was planning a quiet weekend but now I have to find out if this really works.
Anybody think that it's really possible to make popcorn with your mobile phone? I want to believe it's true!

And on the subject of fun with with mobile phones, have a look at this.
We're undecided in the office. Is it real or fake? Either way, it's very good..

And to think that when they first came on the market, you were able to talk to people with these things.

From the Indos' website this morning..

Call the apostrophe police!

I don't mean to be snooty but I think we can expect more from a national newspaper. Which reminds me of this website which I went to recently for a bit of punctuation advice. Note the error in the topline. Perhaps they were joking.

Does this offend you, yeah? Yeah?!

So Heinz have decided to pull their new tv ad after the Advertising Authority received over 200 complaints. The advert which wasn't being broadcast during children's programming, shows two children taking their packed lunch from a man in a chef's uniform in their kitchen. They call him 'mum' and the ad ends with the 'dad' rushing out the door before being called back into the kitchen to (quickly) kiss the 'mum' character.

Before the ASA could investigate the complaints, Heinz pulled the ad and apolgisesd for confronting and offending viewers with images that surely everyone who watches tv after 6pm is comfortable with. This is the ad, produced by the very talented people at AMV BBDO.

Now seriously, how offensive is this? I know that there are concerns that it might force parents to have to get into the tricky area of explaining same-sex relationships to their children but is that any harder than it is to explain whats going on in Eastenders (murder, violence, sex, Barbara Windsor!) or Grand Theft Auto (very bad things, I believe) or, God forbid, the News.

This is an advert for FCUK that was broadcast about eighteen months ago. It features 2 very attractive girls beating the bejasus out of each other and ends with the them kissing each other. There were a hundred complaints about this ad but the ASA didn't uphold any of them. Is it more likely that they'd have upheld these complaint against Heinz?

Of course, now they don't have to because Heinz have pulled the ad. Which is mind-blowing really. I mean, how many people were involved in creating it? How many ideas were chucked out before they settled on this one? How much money did it cost? How many meetings in boardrooms were held to discuss the ad? Did it really not occur to anyone that it might cause a little stir? It must have. And yet at the first sign of trouble they've taken it off the tv..

Of course the one thing that nobody is talking about is the issue that the advert isn't offensive, it's just plain bad.. Why is he a NY deli chef? Are they suggesting that Heinz is somehow identifiable with New York? It isn't, is it? No, the advert isn't offensive - it's just rubbish.

Now I read this evening that Stonewall and other gay organistions have, inevitably, called for a boycott on Heinz products. Once all this kicked off at the weekend and Heinz started planning damage limitation, somebody in PR really should have read all the way down to the end of the page. The reaction of Stonewall is as predictable as the reaction of concerned parents and outraged homophobes last week. It'll be interesting to see how they try to get out of this one..

When you gotta go.

One thing that amazed us in France was the amount of people - sorry, men that we saw urinating by the side of the road. It was astonishing. Over here that sort of behaviour is reserved for inebriated young men making their way home from the pub. You see them staggering along ahead of you before suddenly dipping away from the path in front, leaning against the wall and relieving themselves of the 12 pints of lager that they've thrown their necks during the preceding hours..

Now, as I've said many times on this blog, I'm not trying to put anyone down. I think it's a nasty business but I understand that there are times when people just have to go.. I've even heard of girls doing it too so it's not strictly a filthy boy issue. I'm not sure how the girls go about doing it but I'm told it happens and that's good enough for me. Fortunately I've still to witness something that Andrew Collins recently called a 'forward slash' where the man who needs to go doesn't actually have time to stop so he just wees and walks.. Not something you'd want to see coming towards you anytime.

In France, however, it seems to be a national past-time. In fact it may be time for the French to review whoever is promoting their national stereotypes. All the time I was there I never saw a man in a stripey top with onions wrapped around his neck. But I did see several men pissing up against lamp-posts, walls and trees practically everywhere i went. Nasty business. And it's not a night-time activity over there. No, they just stop their cars on the motorway in broad daylight and let fly. They don't even try to hide it. If it was me I'd be looking for a tree or something I could go around but these lads just stop what they're doing and pop out their chap. Incredible.


On the way to St. Emilion the other week, we were caught in traffic in a small town. There was a bit of a hold-up due to construction ahead of us. We'd been there a while and lots of people had left their cars to see what was causing the delay. On the way back to their cars one of the drivers decided he couldn't wait any longer to get to where he was going and relieved himself in front of everyone. I was so stunned I'm afraid I took a picture. Look! In broad daylight! This prompted some other drivers to do the same. Suddenly they were everywhere (possible slight exaggeration) standing at lamposts and pillars and draining their pipes. It's just a pity the wind didn't change direction.. Really - is this normal? I was ready for most things that France could throw at me but nobody had warned me about this madness.

Now, you don't think it's weird that I took a picture, do you?

Uil like this one..

This is Uil. Uil is a baby owl who fell from his nest. He was discovred by a friend of Helen's family in Cause de Clerans, the village we stayed in while we were France.

Anyway, he's about the size of a cigarette box at the moment but he's eating and growing and seems happy to sit on Yaris' lap while he feeds him. I'm a city boy - I don't understand how th animal kingdom works but I find it mind-blowing to see a tiny owl being hand-fed by another creature several hundred times bigger than him. You wouldn't catch me doing it! I'm used to things being smaller than me..

It looks like Yaris is going to be allowed to keep him too so I guess if I'm lucky I'll get to see how he's doing the next time I get back over there. Nature eh? Mad stuff!

Now is it my imagination or does Uil bear a resemblance to former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern. I think it's uncanny..

It gets worse..

So gardai are mounting a 6-day blitz on learner drivers who don't display L-plates and drive unaccompanied on the road in an attempt to cut down the number of road deaths. That's great. Which leads me to ask 2 questions:

1. How on earth are they going to do that? I mean, if the male driver of a car doesn't have an L-plate and is driving alone, how are the police going to distinguish him from me? Are they really going to stop every lone driver who looks under that age of 30, something which, despite my advancing years, I manage to do.. Or are they going to just stop the ones who look a bit dodgy.. I'm not sure that's allowed anymore, is it?

2. Why is it only lasting 6 days? 2 of which are a weekend? After next Friday, can all learner drivers go back to breaking the law and not worry about being stopped?

Seriously, after that nonsense earlier in the week about pardoning drink drivers who are just a little bit over the limit, you have to wonder who's coming up with this nonsense..

The learner driver situation in Ireland is out of control and has been for a long time but announcing a 6 day plan to crackdown on drivers isn't the best place to start is it? The crackdown should be permanent and the penaltys significant.

Now, back to my cheseboard..

Going Dutch

We went down the road last night to Chateau les Merles for dinner. Actually, we went the long way through a forest, taking a couple of wrong turns along the way before coming out on the road we'd been looking for.

Anyway, I'd heard a lot about les merles over the last year or so and it really is a fantastic place. Great food, lovely staff and we could sit out in the courtyard and enjoy the evening sunshine as we ate. Cause de Clerans, where we're staying, is a small village of about 20 or so houses and one very cool castle. It's got a bit of a Dutch contingent and it was only as we sat having dinner yesterday that I realised Holland were playing in Euro 2008. As kick-off approached the (mostly Dutch) staff and owner were all caught up in the excitement. After our meal we went into the clubhouse (les Merles has a golf club too) to watch the game. It was fantastic. A bunch of international hotel guests and diners gathered in a tiny room with a handful of diehard Holland fans. And one unfortunate Italian.. As the game progressed and Holland took control, the atmosphere in the room was terrific. The hotel gave us free drinks and there was lots of banter amongst the happy viewers. I'm a little reluctant to over-romanticise it all but I'm in France, the sun is shining, the food is great and things couldn't be much better. If I can't over-romanticise now, when can I?

And Holland beat Italy. I've always had a soft spot for the Dutch so they'll be my team during the tournament. In fact, I've just been to paddy power's website and thrown a few quid on them so let's see how we go. Watching the game last night I was reminded how much I love these tournaments. We don't have a tv in the house here so that's the only game I've seen this year but when we get back to Dublin, I'm looking forward to the rest of the competition. Let's just hope that holland aren't home before we are!

Is this wise 2

I give up.. this beggars belief..

The move will also reduce the number of cases going through the courts as drunk drivers will be given the opportunity to accept the penalty without protest.

Well that's the important thing, isn't it? No point getting tied up in red tape while there are lives at stake..

I'm staying over here..

Is this wise?

We're in France at the moment driving around and drinking and eating too much.. Not at the same time, of course. We came over on the ferry last Sunday and it couldn't have gone much smoother. Plain sailing, as they say.. The only thing is that Irish Ferries pipe music into the berths at certain times during the journey. Katie Melua,Eva Cassidy, Andrew lloyd Webber etc.. All fairly tame and generally inoffensive. In the middle of it all though, they played Celine Dion's 'My heart will go on'. From that popular film, Titanic. The one about that boat. The boat that sank.. The boat that sank and most of the passengers died.

I'm not saying it unnerved me as such but it certainly made me think for a moment..