Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Be careful what you wish for..

This has been doing the rounds for the last few days but it took until yesterday for me to figure out what it all means.. It supposedly happened in a WalMart store in America but it could've happened anywhere..

Customer: "Hello, I'd like to order a personalised cake for a going away party next week"

Cakeman: "Of course sir, what would you like us to write on it?"

Customer: "I'd like it to say 'Best Wishes Suzanne'.

Cakeman: That should be fine. Anything else?

Customer: Underneath that 'We Will Miss You'.

Cakeman: "No problem at all"

But that doesn't explain how they managed to spell 'underneath' incorrectly, does it?

Still, I'm sure it was delicious.

6 wheeler

Saw this at the end of Helen's road last night. Now I'm sure the bloke who owns the scooter won't have been impressed when he came out this morning but there's a quality to this, isn't there? I mean, if somebody wanted to vandalise it, they could just have kicked it over. This, however took a bit of mischief and a drop of wit. And probably an extra pair of hands to get it up there.

In fact, if it was an installation in IMMA I wouldn't blink an eye..

Well done those vandals!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Is this harsh?

A local wag hs been busy with glue and paper.

Ok - so it might be juvenile and rudimentary but it made me laugh when I saw it. Which is more than I can say for the film itself..

Tough day at the office, dear?

Helen went into The Gap the other day to ask if they had something that she couldn't see on display. She was confidently told that the didn't. Of course nobody actually checked to see. Isn't it funny how shop assistants can barely form a sentence yet have a complete inventory of the stockroom in their heads? Anyway, undeterred she asked if perhaps it could be ordered in from one of their shops in the UK but that wasn't an option either..

As she finished the exchange, the assistant told her that they were the hardest questions she'd ever been asked in the shop. Which is fine, I suppose, but you have to wonder prior to then what were the toughest questions she's ever been asked. "Do you have this in a large "What time are you clocking off?" "What's your name?"

If it wasn't for those darned customers, it'd probably be a good place to work.

Headline of the day..

Zoo sightseers left dangling 30m above baboon pit in cable car

It's all in there isn't it? You don't even need to read the article.. Quality work.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

But we did a spellcheck..

So the Irish Times website tells us that 4 premiers will be visiting the Abbey next year. Who could it be? Sarkozy? Obama or McCain? Angela Merkel? Gordon Brown?

Oh, I see - they meant premieres..

This is what happens when you start giving your news away for free. The first thing that goes is the quality control.. Sorry - I know pointing out typos is a pedantic affair but I've been doing a bit of research on them lately - I just can't help myself now..

Beside, the Irish Times should know better..

That's the Point

This is the new O2 venue in Dublin's Docklands, formerly known as The Point Theatre, which was formerly known as the Point Depot. So let me rephrase that: This is the new Point Depot in Dublin's Docklands. It was announced at the weekend that O2 were throwing something like €25 million at the Point's developers to have their name plastered all over it.

In fairness it's been a tough time for concertgoers and promoters since the Point closed down last year. Promoters have had to get inventive with their choices of venues - a huge tent in the Phoenix Park, gigs in Kilmaninham, and, of course, just sending the acts up the road to the Odyssey in Belfast. And giggers have had to put up with schlepping off the beaten track to watch gigs in fields and courtyards where the sound was so-so at best. At least in the old Point the sound was adequate. Barely adequate I suppose, but preferable to the muffled rumblings that was the sounds in the Phoenix Park lark Autumn. So, I guess it'll be good to have an enormous all-singing, all-dancing venue in the capital city again.

But how enormous will it be? In an interview with the Irish Times at the weekend, Harry Crosbie, the Property Developer who owns the Point and most of the Docklands said:

"I think that the experience of seeing a show in the new arena is going to up the ante for all the punters. The experience of going to a show is going to be vastly improved because the sightlines are perfect, because of its massive intimacy and because of the choice of catering, you can eat and drink around the venue.

I fail to understand why you want to stand in a wet field in broad daylight and you can’t see the light shows. I really believe that people will be stunned when they see the Point.”

Massive Intimacy. What's that then? He might as well have said "because of it's big littleness".

Also, perfect sightlines? Does that mean I won't have to put up with people behind me constantly complaining about my height? This is very good news indeed..

Interesting to see that Harry is still calling it the Point despite pocketing a hefty cheque from the sponsors. Hey - if Harry says it's the Point, that's good enough for me.

I wonder who they'll have in to open it when it launches later this year. Huey Lewis & The News were the first act to play in the old venue. I'm sure they'd be available.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

How was the film?

To Temple Bar's Meeting House Square on Friday night for the first night of Movies on the Square, one of the main attractions in Temple Bar Cultural Trust's summer programme. Last night was the opening night so there was lots of young beautiful types queueing up to have their photo taken (tilting their heads and dropping their knee the way girls on America's next Top Model do) for The Dubliner and not queueing up to get their hands on free gourmet burgers. After all, the camera adds 10lbs and all that...

The films are being shown in Meeting House Square with a huge canopy protecting the audience from the rain. It was a very wet night but the canopy, a pretty elaborate affair that sprang from one corner of the square to the other making the space feel more like a dome, kept us all dry as the rain came down outside. It couldn't do much about the cold but at least we were dry. Interestingly, I passed by today and ducked into the square for a moment. The canopy was down today so obviously they're just going to put it up every Friday for the night. It looked like a permanent fixture last night but I guess it must go up and down with relative ease. I wouldn't fancy folding it up afterwards though..

As is often the case, the crowd was a bit of a mixed bag - most of whom showed up to see the opening night's film, The Commitments, and not to listen to Republic of Loose, who were there, somewhat reluctantly, to entertain the crowd before the film. At the best of times, they're an entertaining bunch with a sweet line in funky rock and roll. At the worst of times, they're a disinterested bunch of chancers with a belligerent bear of a frontman. You can guess which version showed up last night. I had to laugh at the irony of getting a Dublin band with an oversized charismatic frontman who eventually implode spectacularly to warm up a crowd of people waiting to see The Commitments, a film about a Dublin Band with an oversized charismatic frontman.. ..you get my point. So they plugged away petulantly before miraculously getting some of the crowd to stand up and move about a little. Eventually (it felt like they were up there for hours) they finished up and the film started..

Now I'm sure they were opening night's teething problems but I've got to say that the sound was atrocious. It varied from being slowed down to speeding up and then slowing down again. Very frustrating while it lasted. And then, once it sorted itself out, we were confronted with the worst thing you have to deal with when attending events in a public space - the public. What is it with people (I'm trying to be balanced, but we that more often than not it's girls, right?) who go to gigs and just want to talk all the way through it? That's bad enough but, seriously, what possesses them to go to a film and talk and talk and talk..

"And then i said to him and he looked at me and like I didn't even know what to do but like she was there and I hadn't been there for ages and we walked in and the bar was packed and I saw what she was wearing and she's just a stupid bitch and she was like who do you think you are and I'm like who does she think she is and anyway we were there first and I didn't want to go in the first place and it's not my fault she can't keep her boyfriend and OH MY GOD, HIII!! I didn't know you were going to be here too it's great, isn't it I love this film...."

We said our goodbyes and left. You'd have done the same.

The festival is on for the rest of the summer on Friday nights. Tickets are free and I hope it's a huge success. They're showing some really good comedies every week. And Borat. If you go, bring a midnight feast and sit near the front, in the middle of your row. You'll have a great time.

Is this ok?


On Today FM this week, Ray Darcy has been trying, on behalf of a nurse called 'Roisin', to locate the unknowing father of a 5 month old baby. Is there anything about that sentence that's ok?

Here's what happened: A nurse goes out one night, gets drunk and winds up in Copperface Jacks, a meat-market nightclub on Harcourt Street. Everyone has an idea of what goes on in Copperface Jacks. This story does nothing to contradict it. So Roisin meets a guy in the smoking section and heads on to a party in Rathmines. The guy, who may or may not have been from Birmingham and whose name may or may not begin with the letter 'L' is a bit of a hit with Roisin and the head off to his or her place where L and Roisin (a nurse, remember) enjoy a night of wild, unprotected passion. The following morning they shake hands on it and L goes off to meet his friends for football training. Possibly. Time passes until some weeks later Roisin discovers that she's pregnant. She goes ahead and has the child, all the while trying to find the mysterious L. Just to tell him he has a child, like. You'd think that with all the information at her disposal it wouldn't be too difficult but Roisin struggled and had to resort to hiring a private detective. Who, not surprisingly, also struggled. So Roisin, in despair, did what anyone would do in the same circumstances. She contacted Ray Darcy on Today Fm and asked him, and his 300,000 listeners, to find L. Ray gathered the details and turned it over to the people. And now it's all over the place..

Once again, is this ok?

Roisin's part in all of this is fair enough I suppose - she's in a bind and needs some help. Today FMs part is a little hazier. I don't understand what's a win for the station. How does the story end? Do they find the guy and surprise him on air? Or do they find the guy and quietly pass his details on to Roisin? Of course that's not going to work, is it? 300,000 people want to know who this guy is.. Now the Evening Herald does too. And I suppose, if I'm honest, I want to know how it all ends too. Not that I want to know who L is. I just want to know what Today Fm do when the wheels come off L's wagon. When he denies everything. When his wife leaves him. When he goes crazy on air at 11 o'clock in the morning.. It's going to be interesting.. Personally I don't think they should have gone anywhere near the whole mess but nobody asked me.

And while I'm at it, isn't it a little unfair that the woman in this situation can is kept anonymous while trying to establish the real name of the man? It reminds me of that case in the US a couple of years ago when a couple met on a first date and never met again. The man paid for the meal but when the girl told him she didn't want to see him again, he petulantly sent her a bill for her half of the meal. She ignored him and he began to leave voicemail and emails demanding the money. Outrageous behavior of course, but wherever it was reported his name was listed but her name, Joanne, was in inverted commas. Just like 'Roisin'. Darren Sherman, the stingy single guy was hung out to dry but Joanne remained unknown. If the girls want to hang these guys, is it ok for them to do it undercover?

Anyway, we'll see what happens with Roisin and L. I've been trying to find out without actually, you know, listening to the damn show or reading the Herald. Perhaps it'll be on the news tonight.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Light Entertainment Heaven!

I've talked before about how good RTE's coverage of life football is. The Giles/Dunphy/Brady combo are always been great value. In fact, I rarely watch live football at all, but I still love to watch the post-game analysis on RTE's website the following day. Sunday night was the last time Liam Brady sat on the panel. He's leaving to hand out bibs and slice oranges for Giovanni Trapatonni with the Irish squad. It's a shame he's going because but at least he managed to witness something remarkable before he went.

On Saturday night the 3 lads and Bill O'Herlihy were on Miriam O'Callaghan's chat show. At the end, Miriam asked Eamon to sing which he seemed only too happy to do. Especially since the great* Phil Coulter was going to play for him. And guess what? He actually has a good voice. All the mumbling and barking we associate with his tv appearances was gone and all that was left was a tender, gentle croon. Quite lovely, actually. Loved the way he didn't wait for an introduction or find a decent place to stand where he could be seen. A true pro! A little less sucessful was Gilesy, who having been cajoled into singing, simply swayed on his chair and attempted to serenade Miriam. All the while he was singing, Eamon was smiling, mouthing the words and generally encouraging him. It's really a sight to see.

I missed it at the time but a helpful punter has put it on youtube - just as Eamon predicted on the night. I could be wrong but I'm guessing that you'd have difficulty convincing Alan Hansen and Alan Shearer to do the same.

*Possibly not true.