I've Said It Once

Not taken from today's paper

2009-07-24T12:39:00.005+01:00

Ok - I realise that this isn't an accurate portrayal of women drivers but, in an age where men's role in advertising is to be the stooge, the fall-guy or a general doormat in a woman's world, it's nice to remind ourselves that there was a time when gender bias went in the other direction.

I'm not sure when it's originally from - the late 60s maybe?

A what?

2009-07-24T12:23:00.003+01:00

Saw this fantastic little bit of graffiti written on a For Sale sign on Long Lane the other day. A lessbeen? Is that supposed to be a lesbian? Or is Mary a has-been who never really made it in the first place? I'm assuming the former. Who's teaching these kids? As far as I'm concerned if you know what a lesbian is, you should know how to spell it.

Different, folks

2009-07-24T09:36:00.002+01:00

Amazing how simply changing some music can make a familiar thing seem very very different. Best youtube clip I've seen forever.

You wouldn't understand

2009-06-05T09:22:00.003+01:00

I heard a reporter on Radio 1 last night outlining the main points of the HSE's first Health Status of the Population of Ireland Report which was published yesterday. One of the findings was that there are more people living in the republic than at any time since 1861. As well as the rise in immigration, she explained that 2 of the reasons for this is the increase in people being born and the decrease in people dying.

Let's see: more people being born, less people dying = more people overall.

I think I've got that.

Thanks for clearing that one up.

What is this?

2009-03-04T16:31:00.001Z

Well?

Dinglestar(s)

2009-03-02T15:29:00.013Z

In my round-up of last year, I talked about going to Dingle in December to see Elbow and Richard Hawley recording the Other Voices tv show. I posted a picture of myself and Helen on the beach in Dingle and said that we were pretending to take album cover shots.

Well Steve in London took it to the next logical step..

Here's Richard Hawley and Shez singing at just about the same spot. They know how to look cool on standing on a beach in December.

And here's some of Elbow and Richard Hawley's performance later that night..

This explains everything..

2009-02-23T12:10:00.003Z

Ok - so I was completely wrong with all those Oscar predictions yesterday (actually i wasn't really - I was betting on the ones I thought might surprise people) but could the results have been any less interesting.. Apart from Sean Penn, I suppose, and even that seemed somewhat inevitable too.

It's a shame that Mickey Rourke's performance in The Wrestler which was staggering for many reasons is now being referred to as a 'losing' one. Sean Penn is excellent in Milk but he's such a part of the establishment that his win just seems to be the safe choice by the Academy. It's funny that people have him down as some kind of loose cannon when, in fact, he always seems to say what's expected and do the right thing.

The contrast is clear when you see Mickey Rourke's speech at the Independent Spirit Awards the other night. One look at this tells us all we really need to know about why he didn't win last night. Clue: there's lots of swearing. It's also very funny.

A fool. His money.

2009-02-22T13:22:00.002Z

Just been to paddypower.com to wager a few quid on tonight's Oscars. I haven't gone near online betting since last summer's European Championships and found, to my surprise, that there's 60euro in my account. Not any more - I've just thrown down twenty quid on tonight's results. This year I'm going for a bit of value. The favourites aren't offering any decent odds so I'm hoping that there'll be one or two surprises this year and that perhaps I can cash in on some of them..

Best Film - Benjamin Button. It's long, it's boring, it stars very beautiful people, it covers a huge part of the 20the century and it's American. Surely the Oscars will reward it ahead of Slumdog.. Possibly not but I've got it at 11-2 so let's hope.

Best Director - David Fincher. If the Academy give best film to Slumdog, they won't give the director award for the same film, will they? Probably.. Still 5-1 is pretty tasty.

Best Actor - this is Mickey Rourke's, right? And if not Mickey, then Sean Penn. Fair enough.. Both of them are fantastic in The Wrestler and Milk and Rourke's comeback has truly been astonishing but spare a thought for The Visitor's Richard Jenkins. Last summer when the film was released, most critics said that it would take a fantastic performance from someone to stop Jenkins winning an Oscar. That may well be the case but at 66-1 I'm hoping there's a little twist in the Best Actor tail. If not, give it to Mickey - he's brilliant.

Best Actress - It's got to be Kate, it just has. But at 4-1 Meryl Streep might just come good for me. But no - it's surely going to Kate this time.

Supporting Actress. Marisa Tomei. This is probably the only instance where the person I want to win actually has some handy odds (10-1). It seems that Penelope Cruz has this one sewn up but Marisa Tomei is fantastic in The Wrestler and has been doing great work for a long time now. Go on Oscar - give the girl a nod!

Supporting Actor. Heath Ledger? Seriously, Heath Ledger? I suppose it's appropriate that his performance as a bad Joker should end with a bad joke. He was very talented - brilliant even, but his Joker was a one note performance in a pretty average summer blockbuster. Nobody's going to stop him I suppose, but if the Academy surprises everyone and does the right thing, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Michael Shannon are there at very attractive odds.. I'm going for Hoffman at 20-1.

So that's it. According to paddy power, my 20 quid will potentially yield 388euro. That's mostly thanks to Richard Jenkins.. This time tomorrow I could be rich beyond my wildest dreams. Or else I'll be just like I am know - 20quid poorer.

See you back here tomorrow..

The best film review in years?

2009-02-05T18:03:00.005Z

… and absolutely nothing about it will disappoint.

… a formidable team of pure, soaring talent.

… a visual masterpiece

… in all respects it is the finest film made in years.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is opening tomorrow and reviewed here. Perhaps I'm being cynical but I can't believe Brad Pitt himself would agree with the above. Anyone seen it yet?

Mind your head

2009-02-05T11:04:00.006Z

So, a bus crashed into a tree this morning.. Amazing - looks like it came straight off.. Would love to hear the driver's explaination of this one.

Jobama

2009-01-19T20:33:00.001Z

Everybody wants to make their own Obama poster. And I'm just like everybody else. And you can be just like everybody else too thanks to paste magazine!

Go on - Obamicon yourself!

I only found out recently that Obama smokes. I think he claimed somewhere that he smokes about 8 a day. Which means that he probably smokes about 15. And yet I've never seen a photo of him with a gasper.. Actually I googled it a moment ago and, as far as I can see, there's only 2 images of him smoking. How on earth did he manage to keep that under wraps for so long? Anyway, wouldn't fancy his chances of quitting now.

Still - gotta wish him all the best..

Look, I've been busy.

2009-01-15T20:54:00.001Z

It's been a little while, hasn't it? November and December just vanished underneath me. One minute we were all laughing about a road sign in Wales and the next I was flying home from Paris and 2 months had passed. But now I'm back, back, back and I won't be going anywhere for a while. That's a Connolly promise. And a Connolly promise is worth.. em.. well essentially it's worthless but let's not dwell on that.

So here, briefly are a few things that I would've blogged about last year if i hadn't been too busy doing them!

Hunger, Steve McQueen's film about the hunger strikes in Belfast in the early 80s. Yes, it's a bit 'arty', there's very little dialogue and it doesn't follow your normal film narrative but don't let that put you off. It's fantastic. Probably the best thing I saw in 2008. Apart from Elegy which couldn't be further removed from what Hunger is all about. But hands-down the best scene in anything last year was surely the 18 minute single-take conversation between Michael Fassbender as Bobby Sands and Liam Cunningham as the priest who comes to visit Sands in prison. The longer the scene goes on, and you realise it's all being shot in one take, the more the tension increases. See it for this alone.

Fleet Foxes at Vicar Street. Awful gig. The album is good and there's no questioning their talent but God, I've never seen a band with worse stage presence. Someone (me? probably not) came up with the expression 'negative stage presence' to describe bands like Fleet Foxes. Just endless tune-ups and muttering amongst themselves. And when the lead singer had nothing interesting to say (that'll be all the time) he just talked about Barack Obama and stood back as the room went nuts.. I spent the last 15 minutes in the bar.. Still you can't argue with this:

Of Time and the City, Terrence Davies' lovely documentary about growing up in post-war Liverpool was a very pleasant way to spend a Saturday afternoon. And as I was a little tired that day, it was most condusive to a little snoozy-time. I dozed off and didn't miss a thing!

W, Oliver Stone's confusing biopic of George Bush, should have put me to sleep but sadly didn't. What a strange, pointless film. Everyone is great in it but it all added up to not very much in the end. Guess what? Dubya drank a bit in his youth. And how about this - he's not very smart at all! No wait - this'll blow your head off - there were no WMDs in Iraq!! You get my point. The only positive thing I can say about it is that it made old Dubya seem rather likeable. That couldn't have been Oliver's Stone intention, could it?

Quantum of Solace. Oh goodness me.. What a load of boring old drivel..

Whose Line is it anyway? in Vicar Street. Great fun actually. They're coming back in April - you should go if you can.

Finished joint 2nd in a table quiz in Glasnevin. I single-handedly scored 10/10 in the music round. They played snippets of songs and you'd to name the song and singer. And a strange mix it was - Ultravox, Midge Ure (seriously where have you ever heard two Midge Ure songs in the one place?), Radiohead, Everything but the Girl and, most impressive of all, Adrian Gurvitz' timeless classic, em, 'Classic'! Unfortunately the shine was taken off my great achievement by my somewhat exuberant over-reaction to the answers. It turns out that nobody like a know-all! Still second is a significant leap from our mid-table finish last year. The pressure's on already for 2009!

Eli 'Paperboy' Reed in Whelans. I know it's a terrible name and I know that soul music isn't exactly the hot thing for 2008 or 2009 but all things considered it was a fantastic night's entertainment. If you don't know him, Eli is like an updated version of all those great Motown and Stax singers. He tours with a band called the True Loves and he put on a proper show on a damp November night in Whelans. As far from Fleet Foxes as you can possibly get, Eli whipped the crowd into a soul-clapping frenzy and literally wouldn't leave the stage til everyone was shouting for more. A proper showman in the James Brown/Springsteen mould. Have a look at this performance on Jools Holland's show in November. It may not be terribly original but in an age where very little is at least it's exciting, upbeat and even clowns like me can dance to it!

Elbow in Dingle. Now this was a treat. Every year RTE record a series of concerts in Dingle for the Other Voices tv show. It's recorded in a tiny church on the main street and they have 4 or 5 acts on each show. Thanks to a tip-off from Alfer we knew that Elbow and Richard Hawley were going to be on together on Sunday night. And so there we were, sitting in a 100 seater church in the middle of nowhere, as most critic's favourite band of last year sang One Day Like This, to all intents and purposes everyone's favourite song of last year. Earlier Richard Hawley delivered a lovely acoustic set which was preceded and followed by James Morrison (nice but dull and Hugh Cornwall (loud and great). I've managed to go to a lot of gigs this year but seeing Elbow and Richard Hawley singing Hawley's Coles Corner is definitely one for the books. One of many.. And afterwards all the bands, crew, fans and locals all headed over to the hotel across the street and drank until almost daybreak.

After a long night of rock and roll, it was time to run home through the streets of Dingle. Thinking about it now, this is what most of December looked like to me. I'm just coming back into focus now.

Tragic attempts at a moody album cover photo on the beach the following day. There's loads of these. They're all as bad as this one

And then there was Josh Ritter the following week at Vicar Street. Now look, I know Josh Ritter isn't cool and I know people don't care much for his music but I like him.. It shouldn't need justification! He's got a warm, engaging personality , he's got a great band and he was doing this gig with a 24 piece orchestra. And it was darned good. Good songs, a few beers and a nice Christmas buzz about the place. What could go wrong? Other people, that's what.. I've talked before about people talking at gigs. We all know it's not cool, right? What more needs to be said? We were stood beside a bunch of people who were there to hear one song and one song only. The rest of the time they were happy to chat loudly to each other. In fairness one of them was trying to listen to the gig and tried, on many occasions, to shush them but it wasn't to be. And then when he played Kathleen, the song they were there to hear, they just went nuts. Cos get this - one of their friend's names is Kathleen. So it was obviously very important that they should jump up and down and shout along, making vague attempts at what the lyrics might be, until they got to the one word of the song that they felt they could shout out at a great volume. And then they shouted. Oh God, they shouted.. If I was 10 years younger and 2 years singler and a lot braver/stupider I probably would have done something but instead I've kept it all inside until now! That'll show them!

In the end it comes down to this (taken from a pub in London, with thanks to Word blogger Retro Man)

And then all of a sudden it was Christmas and then it was New Year's Day and I was in Paris. You all know what Paris is like. It's fantastic. On this occasion it was cold. Bloody cold! And it snowed. So I bought a hat and some gloves. And took a picture of the Eiffel Tower. Well you have to, don't you?

Happy New Year

Word of the day

2009-01-14T13:47:00.002Z

Some people like to get daily 'word of the day' emails from online dictionary sites. I use one myself (today, Dictionary.com's is jettison, Merriam-Webster's is audacious and the New York Times' is dank) but this week I've been getting far more enjoyment from listening to Dr Brendan O'Shea (from the Irish College of General Practitioners) on Newstalk's Breakfast show. He's been on a couple of times this week already.

Yesterday he was talking about the dangers facing people suffering from the winter flu epidemic. Today he was appealing for people to stay away from Accident and Emergency rooms unless they were in a really bad way. This is because of the vomit bug that's broken out in 7 hospitals across the country. Anyway, yesterday he used the word common-sensical to describe how we wanted people to think about their symptoms. Today his chosen word was persnickety..

I think he might just be trying to amuse himself.

Something nice to start us up again

2009-01-13T20:13:00.003Z

This is a gorgeous song by a bunch of chaps called the Leisure Society. I heard about these chaps on Guy Garvey's radio show recently and haven't stopped listening to is since. The lead singer works in a carpet warehouse. I wonder if it's the same place in the video?

Mind your language

2008-11-02T21:24:00.002Z

My favourite news story this weekend.. Those automatic 'out of office' replies aren't worth the effort!

Broadcast News

2008-11-02T20:28:00.006Z

Back on the radio yesterday after a 2 week break. We've had a pretty good run of shows since I came on-board permanently in June but I've been away for the last 2 weeks and Alf's been 'driving the desk' (if you'll excuse a bit of radio-speak!) on her own. I missed it. I made a comment yesterday about how I had been experiencing the same withdrawl symptoms that rocks stars do when they're not on tour and have nowhere to go at 9pm every night. I suppose I was joking but there was a little bit of truth in it. At noon for the last two weeks I've found myself driving down country roads wondering how Alf was getting on and hoping there was plenty of news in the paper for her to talk about..

Yesterday there was tonnes of news to pour over. In fact we only had one guest to talk to and still we only played 3 songs in the whole show.. That's a good sign. The shows when we play 5 or 6 songs are the ones where you know we've struggled. Between the news in the papers and the news during the week we got a good 30 minutes out of it all. Of course the big story up for discussion was the Brand/Ross fiasco which conveniently Alf and I had differing opinions on. My view is that if Russell Brand and the head of Radio 2 Lesley Douglas resigned then there was only one course of action that Jonathan Ross could have taken. Alf disagreed so we had a little bit of a ding-dong. All very light-hearted of course but it got us over the half hour mark..

The rest of the show was an interview with Damian Smith who's co-written a book about the Beatles' Irish connections. It makes such a difference when you've got a guest on the show who is: a) actually in the studio and not on the phone; and b) able to string a few sentences together. This chap met all our criteria and it meant we were able to have a pretty good chat that zipped along pleasantly. And play some Beatles music along the way.

It's always surprising when we come out of the studio having done a pretty good show. It's like we're afraid to congratulate each other for fear of jinxing ourselves. Next week will probably be a dog but for now, I think we're getting better..

Now if I could just get David who's on air before us to stop telling listeners that 'the girls' are on after him . He's a lovely chap but I've been doing the show for almost 5 months and I wish he'd stop it! Still - we wouldn't mind his listeners. Actually we wouldn't mind some listeners. God knows where they go but i don't think they're listening to us. Maybe we should start playing more Tony Bennett and Rosemary Clooney.

You'll find us at 103.2 FM every Saturday at noon.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T12:01:00.001Z

Word of the day.

2008-10-28T21:12:00.003Z

I was talking to my mother earlier. She went to the horse races at Leopardstown yesterday and was telling me about her day. At one point she was talking about the cold weather and, having attemptd to describe the wind, she corrected herself by saying: 'if that's not a moxy-oron'.

I think moxy-oron is my new favourite word.

Perhaps when I call her again next month she'll have another new word for me!

I had no idea

2008-10-28T12:04:00.005Z

All this technology and information is all well and good but how come I can't remember my phone number or the PIN code for my Laser card? Will all of this make us any smarter? I'm saying probably not.

What's in Al Green's bag?

2008-10-28T11:40:00.002Z

I went to see Al Green in Vicar Street on Sunday night. I'd never seen him before and I've got to say that it was a very surreal experience. He's great, of course, but there's so much showbiz onstage that sometimes you just wish he'd just sing the damn songs.. And he has a really strange habit of smiling and waving during the songs. So he's singing something heartbreaking like 'How Can You Mend a Broken Heart' and stopping mid verse to wave and flash his pearly-white gnashers. Bizarre. Although in fairness everyone was lapping it up so Al clearly knows what he's doing. Wish he'd done more from his new album though. I'm thinking it's one of the year's best records.

Anyway at the end of the gig (no encore from Al, by the way, and no Take Me to the River either) Al threw out the last of his roses to the ladies in the audience, smiled his dazzling smile one more time and picked up a black shoulder bag and left the stage. My question: what's in Al green's shoulder bag? Is he one of those old guys who insists on being paid for cash before going on stage or was he going straight to the gym afterwards? Maybe he'd come to the venue straight from the airport and hadn't been to the hotel.. I'd love to know..

I hate old people

2008-10-28T10:40:00.003Z

Went down to the Science Gallery in Trinity College on Friday night to take part in their 'PAY ATTENTION' event. The Gallery is one of my favourite new places to go at the moment. They had a brilliant Robots exhibition a few weeks ago and now they're running a series of events where members of the public call in and take part in Brain research.. There's a series of tests to determine why we think the way we do, why we forget things as soon as we've been told them, whether we're morning or evening people and lots of other stuff..

Anyway, I took a test to determine my attitudes towards old people and it turns out that I have a strong bias against them! The tests involved placing words into various categories. So I started out with words like mature & teen and categories like 'old' & 'young'. Easy enough, right? Then it got a bit more complicated as words like ugly, peace, love and anger were introduced and needed to be categorised as well. It's all fairly rapid so you don't really have time to think about what you're doing. I guess that's how they tap into our subconscious. I'm not sure it wasn't entrapment!

At the end they added up my results and told me that I have a strong bias towards old people. The chap doing the tests reminded me that I'm not a bad person (thanks!) but I've been conditioned to think that old is worse than young. He said that it's not necessarily my fault (tv, advertisers etc etc) and there's nothing I could do about it. But then he told me that in future I should bear it in mind. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that.. Saying that, given that I recently moved into the 35-54 category whenever I'm ticking my age in application forms, it's probably likely that my bias against old people will correct itself naturally!

A literally literary evening

2008-10-24T16:01:00.004+01:00

To the Button Factory on Monday night for a poetry reading. That’s right - a poetry reading. Felix Dennis, publishing millionaire, raconteur, establishment riler, the first person to use the rudest word in the English language on tv, reformed(ish) hell-raiser and, in recent years, critically lauded poet was in town for a date on his ‘Did I Mention the Free Food and Wine’ tour.

I’ve never been too sure about poetry. I’ve got some of Roger McGough’s books at home. He’s good. And Paul Durcan too, although that’s a little harder to get my head around. And I’ve always enjoyed Ian McMillan whenever he’s guested on Mark Radcliffe’s radio show. I even bought one of his books (Ideas Have Legs) once but that was because of the pictures as much as the words. I suppose the idea of a poetry reading has always conjured up images of men in tweed jackets, stroking their beards and nodding in agreement with whatever pearl of wisdom was being rhymed out in front of them. Exactly my kind of scene, in other words!

Felix Dennis first came to my attention in one of the first issues of The Word magazine. Possibly the very first actually. Anyway, he was interviewed for one of their ‘Word to the Wise’ features and I thought he sounded like a great old punter. Opinionated, boozy, outrageous and not afraid to show off a more sensitive or introspective side to his character. Not afraid of ridicule either which, I think, is one of the better personality traits to have.. I remember visiting his website and reading some of his poetry at the time and liking them. They were a bit salty and lusty and used big words and swear words. Racy stuff. Never bought any of his books though.

So on Monday night he was in town for his gig in the spruced up Button Factory. Here’s how his poetry readings go: you get inside and there’s loads of fine French wines laid out for your pleasure. Large glasses filled not quite to the brim - but close enough.. Waiter types roam around the place with tasty canapes. The usual stuff - things on cocktails sticks, little salmon nibbly things. Lovely stuff. So for an hour or so we stood around eating and drinking and stroking our beards waiting for the show to begin. And then we took our seats. And then, after a ridiculous, over the top intro from one of Felix' little runners, it began.

What was it like? Well, good - I think. What makes poetry good or bad? Several glasses of red wine make everything good so that helps, I suppose. What else though? Are we supposed to appreciate the meter (metre?) of the poems? He talked a lot about free verse and structured verse but I don’t know what all that means. Are we supposed to appreciate the ones that rhyme more than the others? Or is poetry that rhymes inferior to the other kind? I’ve got no idea. In the end it came down to just liking the subjects he was reading about, I suppose. So I really liked the ones about his family, himself, his relationships etc, and the ones about business, politicans and war I didn’t enjoy as much. I laughed at the funny ones and pondered the reflective ones and the rest of the time I just let it wash over me.

I loved the performance though. For some poems he stood at a lectern and, as he read, plasma screens displayed images and movies with the words of the poem at the top. Actually the words were usually displayed a line after he spoke it. So you couldn’t read along I suppose. Anyway when he wasn’t standing at the lectern, he came out and read the poems as he walked along the stage. I guess he was a bit more physical and theatrical for these ones. A short hairy bear of a man with a large belly and a bright yellow waistcoat. I don’t really know what the motivation for the different presentation styles was but I suppose it broke things up a bit.

If I was to criticise the event though I’d say that the interval knocked a bit of momentum out of the occasion (that’s if you can have momentum at a poetry reading). By the time the second half began, it’s probably true to say that some of the audience had had a little too much free wine. Quite often, as Felix would begin to introduce a poem, various audience members started to heckle him. Seriously, who heckles at a poetry reading? Maybe it happens all the time. This was my first one though and I was a little shocked to think that people could behave that way. Ok - so he was talking about legalising drugs and other ‘shocking’ things like that but still.. I mean the event was ticketed - you couldn’t just walk in off the street so presumably most people there knew what he was like. Either way, all of the shouting was a little cringey. His response to most heckles was to ignore them. It worked most of the time apart from one chap in the front row who seemed to bear some kind of grudge. In the end he got up and walked out shouting about something or other being disgraceful. Perhaps he didn’t get enough of the canapes.

In the end I’d almost say that he almost outstayed his welcome. Harsh perhaps, given his hospitality, but I guess there’s such a thing as too much poetry. Although he finished his encore (an encore at a poetry reading!) with a nice little poem about how, despite what a lot of newspapers and tv shows tell us, everything will be better again. Easy for him to say I suppose but a nice sentiment to end on. And then he jumped in his Bentley which drove him to his helicopter which flew him back to his mansion in Warwickshire. I daresay he was in bed before we got to the pub. But that's ok - if I was a millionaire with a fondness for publishing my own poetry, I'd like to think I'd be doing the same sort of thing. Spend a bit of money to get an audience in and then make them listen to your work.

I bought his latest book, Homeless in my Heart for 15 quid. All the proceeds go to his charity and I thought it was a decent night’s entertainment for 15 bob. And it's a good book - I've looked at it a bit since Monday and am enjoying it very much.

Here's my current favourite Felix Dennis poem. I pinched it from his site and I'm posting it here because, as he said the other night, there's nothing he can do to stop me. And because it's great.

Snakeskin Boots

I remember the hill and the sun in her hair,
I remember the moss on a tombstone seat,
With the grass as tall as a mad march hare.
I remember she kicked the shoes off her feet.

I remember her calling me 'daft as a brush',
And the taste of the orange she helped to peel.
I remember she mocked my feeble moustache
And my snakeskin boots with their Cuban heel.

I remember the lids of her eyes as we kissed,
I remember the shock of a gentle slap
As she hissed 'Not here!' and circled my wrist
When I fumbled the catch of her brassiere strap.

I remember it rained as we raced for a fuck
To my room. I remember we tore off our clothes -
Except for my boot where the zip had stuck!
And her poached-egg breasts, I remember those.

I remember we tumbled both half insane
On the bed, and the arch of her back as I came.
I remember we did it again and again,
And we screamed...
...but I cannot remember her name.

What's wrong with this picture?

2008-10-24T11:20:00.004+01:00

Not much, actually.

I popped down to the local multiplex the other night to see Burn After Reading, the Coen Brothers' latest, and much anticipated, film. Despite all the praise they get, I've never really been able to love a lot of their films - particularly their recent work. I really liked Fargo and No Country For Old Men, obviously, which was great and deserved all the awards and acclaim that it received earlier this year. Of course, No Country was an adaptation of a novel so perhaps that explains why it had a narrative that managed to stay the course without disappearing up the sort of blind alleys that were so evident in the likes of Intolerable Cruelty, O Brother Where Art Thou and The Man Who Wasn't There. And I know everybody loves The Big Lebowski but I just found it a bit tedious after a while.

Anyway, it's been odd reading the reviews of Burn after Reading. Apart from one or two that suggested that the Coens are treading water at the moment, the reviews have been mostly negative. I don't get it. I suppose there's a certain smugness about the film. Everyone involved seem rather pleased with themselves. George Clooney and Brad Pitt both get to act like a pair of idiots and Frances McDormand and John Malkovich are given the chance to play unlikeable characters and swear a lot. There's a lot of swearing in Burn After Reading but swearing's ok, isn't it?

The plot? Well this may be the problem.. Essentially it's a good old-fashioned espionage/blackmail/revenge thriller. It's got spies behaving like fools and fools trying to behave like spies. There's lots of infidelity and casual sex. There's lots of loneliness and pathos too as everything spirals out of control. It starts with John Malkovich's character, Osbourne Cox, getting fired by the CIA. He feels he (literally) has an axe to grind so he decides to write a tell-all memoir about the Agency. However, the disc he's saved it onto falls into the hands of a pair of gym trainers, Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand, who cluelessly attempt to blackmail him. When that fails, they decide to take it to the Russians. And then it all kicks off. George Clooney gurns and mumbles away humorously (or annoyingly, depending on your mood) as an adulterous, paranoid Treasury Agent who's having an affair with Tilda Swinton. She's married to Malkovich's character but not for much longer.. You'll also find Richard Jenkins in there as the owner of the gym, Hardbodies, that Brad and Frances work in.

I suppose it's all very slight, yet quite complicated at the same time but it's funny. And shocking. And a little violent too. And it zips along and is done in a little over 90 minutes. So what's not to love? Even if it doesn't make sense to you there's a couple of great cameos from JK Simmons (him out of Spiderman) and David Rasche (him out of Sledgehammer) as clueless CIA bosses trying to figure out all the chaos that's going on round them. They pop up once or twice to explain to themselves (and the audience) what's going on. The film ends with the two of them summarising what's just happened and I reckon it's probably the funniest couple of minutes I'll see in the cinema this year. Funnier than anything in Tropic Thunder anyway

So, it's funny, exciting, violent (but not too violent) and has a great cast. So why have the critics almost unanimously taken a shovel to it? Perhaps because it's not Fargo or No Country For Old Men. Fair enough but what else is? It's still very good and, make no mistake, if this was directed by anyone else it would be hailed as one of the year's best..

And I haven't even mentioned what George Clooney spends most of the film building in his basement!

Seemed like a good idea at the time

2008-10-17T12:09:00.003+01:00

This is possibly the worst product-celebrity tie-in I've ever come across. Spotted on this thread over at The Word..Hindsight is everything I suppose..

Breaking up is easy to do

2008-10-17T11:59:00.003+01:00

I spotted this fantastic business card for a divorce lawyer on The Serif.. It's such a simple, funny idea that I'm pinching it and putting it here. I love a nice perforation!

This is a low.

2008-10-14T20:06:00.004+01:00

More great work from Montrose..

I was watching RTE's Nine News last night but didn't want to post until I could find the clip. I think it's probably fair to say that RTE news has been lowering the bar gradually over the last few years. If it's not Charlie Bird doing everything he can to make himself bigger than whatever story he's covering, it's George Lee standing outside Dail Éireann repeating what the newsreader has just told us and adding nothing to the story. I'm not saying these guys aren't talented journalists (I'm not saying they are either) but someone in the RTE News Department seems to have mistaken having someone talking outside an important building with actual news.

And then there's the gimmicks. They love a good gimmick. Which leads us to last night's fiasco. David Murphy, RTE's Business Correspondent was reporting on the weekend's meeting in Paris of EU leaders trying to get to grips with the financial crisis. The report was fine - essentially Murphy was speaking over footage of leaders
announcing various rescue solutions and the markets taking a turn in the right direction. Then we cut to Murphy in a dark room holding a wad of notes and a wallet. He told us that with oil prices falling and interest rates going down, there might be good news for all of us. However as he speculated that today's budget might see us lose out again, a mysterious hand appeared from nowhere and took 50 quid from his wallet. Murphy finished the report by with a comical glance in the direction of the thieving hand.. And went home and cried. Possibly.

You can watch it here. It's the third item on the list and comes right at the end of the report.

Really, can they not just give us the news and leave the fun stuff for the kids? I'm sure we can all take it.

Raw. What is it good for?

2008-10-13T21:57:00.003+01:00

..Absolutely nothing.

I'm watching the last episode of Raw, RTE's big-budget, big-balled series set in a Dublin restaurant. I've dipped in and out of it and while it's rather watchable, it's completely forgettable and just plain unbelievable. I've known a few chef types in my time and although the cliched image of stressed out boys and girls boozing and snorting seems to have more than a sliver of truth to it, these guys are off the scale.

Here's a quick review of Raw:

Sex! Pills! Egos! Lesbians! Booze! Shouting! Coke! Cheating! Gays! FULL FRONTAL GAYS!! More sex!. Oh - and lots of shots of people chopping veg and shouting orders. Because someone's seen that on Hells Kitchen.

And there's been some really bizarre music choices. I don't know how they come up with it. It's not that the music's bad - it's just that it doesn't work. This week's episode which was all about a wedding in the restaurant. There's just been a scene on the dancefloor with the guests slow-dancing to Leonard Cohen's 'A Thousand Kisses Deep'. It's a great song (listen to it here and try to dance to it) but I can't imagine any song less likely to be played at a wedding.. Before it ended, the DJ interrupted it to play Beyonce's Crazy in Love, which is obviously a huge improvement for a dancefloor but, again, can you imagine any 2 songs less likely to sit side by side in any DJ's imagination? Such a bizarre choice.

Oh - and there's a character in the show called 'Tiny'. He's played by a huge bouncer/comedian/actor character that works the door at the Dice Bar. Anyway, Tiny doesn't speak in the show, It's a funny quirk the writer's have given him. Except it's not very funny is it? And now he's just spoken. So the conceit really serves no purpose. He won a bet with a colleague which gave the writers a chance to let him speak. And what are his only words in the entire series? "I told you so". You see it's really funny cos, in fact, he never told anyone anything. Ooh - they must've been pleased with that one. That's not very good really is it? I mean they're trying to be clever and all but, well..

Look - Raw hasn't been rubbish. It looked great and the Dublin exteriors were great. Most of it was shot around Camden Street and it's nice to see that neighbourhood all scrubbed up for tht tv. But it they're going to go to all that trouble, wouldn't you think they'd spend a bit more time on the old scripts? And a little less time cooking up a few old cliches for us to swallow.

RTE have probably already commissioned a second series.

Don't ask..

2008-10-13T18:04:00.002+01:00

I walked in to the door again..

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. And Streep

2008-09-23T19:13:00.008+01:00

So I finally got the chance to see Mamma Mia the other night. It turned out to be the first part of a musical double header because as soon as it ended (not soon enough), I ran down to the new, fantastic Lighthouse cinema in Smithfield to see CSNY:Deja Vu, Neil Young's documentary on his 2006 Living with War tour with his old muckers, Crosby, Stills and Nash.

Mamma Mia.. Let's begin by saying that it's every bit as bad as you've heard. Badly written, barely directed, terrible sets - sure, the Greek island exteriors look amazing but anytime we're indoors, the lighting (to quote Antony Lane) would disgrace a bathroom and behind the actors, out the windows, you could see perfect blue skies that could only have been painted cardboard.

You probably know the story - 20 year old girl lives on the island with her mother (Meryl Streep) and is getting married. She wants to invite the father she never knew to her wedding but she's not sure who it might be so she takes a chance (chance-takea-chance-takea-takea- chance-chance) on 3 blokes that Meryl shacked up with 20 years ago. In 1988, presumably. The fact that the photos of each of the guys back then portray them as hippies and punk rockers goes unnoticed. The 3 lads arrive on the island not realising why they're there. Pierce Brosnan is a frustrated artist/architec type (I think he's an artist - he works in an office with men in suits but he wears jeans so he's definitely not a typical suit type. And he talks about 'drawing the whole island that summer' at one point), Colin Firth is an uptight city banker and Stellan Skarsgård is a sailor free-spirit type. They fumble around, meet their possible daughter and it all kicks off..

And boy does it kick off. No opportunity is missed to throw an ABBA song at every scene.. Which is fine - I love ABBA. So, when our bride-to-be is telling her 2 annoying, shrill, you really wouldn't want to be sitting anywhere near them on the bus best friends about inviting her possible fathers, they run around singing Honey Honey. When Meryl is complaining to her 2 annoying, shrill, you wouldn't want to be sitting anywhere near them on the bus best friends about her money worries, she runs around singsing Money Money Money. Are you getting it? When Colin Firth is telling the boys about that summer he spent with Meryl, he sings Our Last Summer. And on and on. And on. Oh - and on some more... All the way to Meryl singing The Winner Takes It All at Pierce Brosnan. At him, not to him. Meryl slips into some kind of method-acting madness as she delivers it - I'm guessing it's supposed to be the emotional highpoint of the piece. That's one way of putting it. Pierce looks at her with the tortured expression of a man who knows he's done a bad thing but if he stands still and says nothing, maybe nobody will notice.. Of course at that stage Pierce has already taken a shovel to SOS and the damage has all been done..

In fairness I like Pierce Brosnan and I enjoyed his doomed attempts at singing/shouting/grunting. At the best of times he can't really talk so expecting him to sing 'When All is Said and Done' is a bit much. I suppose it's predictable that I'd say the men come out of it far better than the women. They do, but that's not saying much. Colin Firth is Colin Firth except, I think, his character is gay. The film ends with him dancing in a rain shower with another man and they've both taken off their shirts. Definitely gay, so. Stellan Skarsgård tries his best to stay out of trouble until right at the end when Julie Walters decides she wants a bit of him and chases him around the room singing Take a Chance on Me. In the end Stellan gives in to Julie. But you get the impression that he's only doing it for a quiet life and he'll be on his boat and sailing as far away as possible come first light. We've all been there.

The woman, on the other hand, are just a shrieking mess.. Julie Walters is one of Meryl's mates and she does that annoying Julie Walters thing. You know the one.. I like Julie Walters but, God, she's annoying when she's on auto-pilot. And then there's Christine Baranski who, in fairness, can sing and can dance. The reason you know this is because while everyone else's song and dance scenes usually rapidly descend into some kind of schmozzle where everyone is falling on top of each other, with lots of cutaways to allow the actors to draw breath, Christine gets her own showpiece in the middle where she dances around the beach with a handsome, much younger chap who wants to 'carry on where they left off last night' Because she's so foxy, you see? He's dying for some more.. Seriously, have you seen Christine Baranski? She's a lovely woman, I'm sure and not unattractive in her day, but talk about an unlikely couple.. Anyway, she's very good at the old dancing and as they flew around the beach singing Does Your Mother Woman Know, I had to concede that at least she could sing so I could take my hands off my ears and enjoy her performance. Safe in the knowledge that Pierce and the girls would be back soon murder a few more classics..

Look, it's Mamma Mia. If you haven't seen it you probably don't want to.. If you have, you probably loved it. I didn't love it but I can't bring myself to say that I hated it either. As someone said, it's like going to your child's school play and realising that Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan are in your kid's class. And that nobody's in charge of anyone. It's cringey and hammy and really annoying at times but you know, it's not too long, the island looks nice and, most importantly, ABBA's songs are just indestructible. I mean, they've been subjected to some awful treatment at the hands of the cast but still they come out ok. A little bruised perhaps but they'll be fine!

Here's the best bits. You don't need anymore.

And then there was Deja Vu. So in 2006, Neil Young decides he's sick of the war, sick of George Bush and sick of waiting for someone younger to come along and write some protest songs and cause a bit of trouble. So he goes into the studio, knocks out a record of (it has to be said) fairly average songs including Living with War and Let's Impeach the President, and decides to tour with David Crosby, Graham Nash and Steven Stills to y'know promote peace or some shit..

They invite veteran reporter Mike Cerne, who served in Vietnam and reported from Iraq, along for the ride so that he can show us both sides of the argument as the band leave the comfort of the more liberal east coast and head towards the heartlands where the folks are quite happy with Bush and have no problem living with war. To its credit, the documentary doesn't shy away from showing the reaction of the crowd when CSNY start singing 'Let's Impeach The President' and encourage the audience to sing along. Needless to say there wasn't much peace, love or understanding in the room. It's all in there though and the protesters are given their opportunity to say what they think.. A nice bit of balance I suppose. Even if they're all a bunch of crazy gun-loving lunatics. Whoops - they're goes the balance!

It's a fascinating film. There's so much history between the band that their drama alone makes for a great story. Throw in the war footage and the accounts from various servicemen and women who've been in Iraq and it all adds up to a potent mixture. Sure, it loses its way in the second half but there's lots of ideas and opinions to take in and it's worth seeing if only for the moment when Steven Stills, who like David Crosby really isn't bearing up very well after 40 years of rock and roll, falls over on stage. He doesn't see the cables in all the light and tumbles over while the band play on. He just sits there playing - a bemused womble-like creature in a garish Hawaiian shirt.

Of course, being rock stars there's plenty of opportunity for them to muse on war and peace and generally spout hippie idealism.. At one point somebody talks about how once upon a time you expected to hear protest songs on the radio but now it's frowned upon to criticise governments. Would a song like Ohio get on the radio in 2008? Probably not. A good point for sure, and Neil Young's thoughts on whether a song can change anything suggest a bit of critical self-analysis. It turns out they can't but he's going to carry on anyway. Oh.

The only major clanger is when one of them (not sure which but I don't think it was Neil Young and Graham Nash hasn't lost his Manchester accent so let's assume it was Crosby or Stills) talks about how the band got together back when other guys their age were being sent to Vietnam. He says something along the lines of: "Y'know - it's crazy - we started at about the same time they were starting out and now 40 years later, we're all still going". Well maybe so lads, but I'm guessing the fellas in Vietnam have had a tougher time of getting through the last 40 years than CSNY ever did..

Still - it's a small complaint I suppose. There's nothing new in the film really and it doesn't come up with any new insights. It all boils down to - "War is hell, George Bush is bad but a lot of people are ok with it so what are you going to do?"

Sing and dance, I suppose.. It's what Meryl & Pierce would want..

Confused Men Today

2008-09-22T17:52:00.005+01:00

Last week, The Irish Times were making a lot of hay out of their 'Men Today Poll', according to them, the most in-depth look into the health, wealth and sex lives of Irish men today.. Indeed.. I skipped most of it on the basis that I don't really care about the health and wealth of my fellow countrymen and I'm not really sure that you can get much out of these kinds of polls anyway apart from filling a lot of space in a broadsheet..

Anyway, I was killing time on Friday night and picked up a copy of the paper to read while I waited.. And the results of the poll were a little confusing.

Here's the first question about sex and morality:
Compared to 20 years ago, do you think that attitudes towards sex have changed?
Much more liberal 73%
A little more liberal 19%
Have not changed much 5%
A little more conservative 0%
Much more conservative 1% (wouldn't you love to know what this chap was getting up to in the '80s?!

Anyway, that's all fair enough and probably not very surprising. But the next question blew the whole thing wide open:

Do you personally think that it is:
A good thing: 51%
A bad thing: 25%
Neither: 25%

My question here is who are we talking to? Is that question directed at the 73% who thing things are a lot more liberal or the 1% who think that things are a lot more conservative? Surely this questions is redundant and tells us nothing.. As do the next handful of questions that all stem from the answer to the question that precedes it: If it's a good thing it's better for men or women; if it's a bad thing do you think it's worse for men or women etc..

So know we're 4 of 5 questions in to the most in-depth poll on what men think ever conducted in Ireland and we can only take information from one of the questions. And, let's be honest we already know the answer to that one.

Later on it asks whether or not people polled agreed that the political system in Ireland is better at supporting men.
17% agreed
50% disagreed
32% didn't know.

On its own, that's good information.. Then things got confusing with the next question which asked whether they agreed that the political system in Ireland is better at supporting women. I would've thought that the first question answered the second too. In other words, if 17% think the system is better for men and 32% don't know, doesn't that mean 51% think the system is better for woman? Nope it doesn't..

In actual fact the response to the comment that the political system in Ireland is better at supporting women got this response.
35% agreed
31% disagreed
34% didn't know.

How can that be? How could more people not know the answer to the second question that the first? What's the matter with these people? Am I missing something obvious here? And how come nobody asked me?

I know it seems like I'm nitpicking (hey - I never even mentioned the amount of percentages that don't add up to 100%) but if something is being heralded as lifting the lid on what modern Irishmen do and think then don't you agree that the information it reveals should be a little clearer?

Agree
Disagree
Don't Know
Other

Boring

2008-09-22T15:58:00.005+01:00

We had the pleasure of babysitting a couple of youngsters at the weekend and in an attempt to provide them with some distraction from SpongeBob, X Factor, eating and generally knocking lumps out of each other, we took them to the fantastic ArtBots exhibition in the Science Gallery..

As you'd imagine, there was lots of cool stuff there to entertain/bore all the adults/children but I'm saying the highlights were: a little contraption that demonstrated how to transform light into sound using eggshells; a Jackson Pollock-inspired 'live painting' that splattered different colours on a canvas depending on the noise in the room - a high pitched squeal led to purple paint being tossed onto the artwork, a low murmur was orange, and so on; A hand held oval thing about the size of a teapot that tilted in your hands to tell you what direction you should walk in. You could instruct it from your laptop where you wanted to go and it would tilt you all the way there. That's what they said anyway. It's not like we could really test it.

But for sheer amusement and relatability (because, as interesting as most of the stuff was, some of it just didn't make practical sense to a lot of punters - or to this punter anyway) the best thing at ArtBots was a robot that could solve a Rubek's Cube in less than a half minute or so. You'd take the cube, mix it up as much as you want and hand it to the robot. The robot picked it up, looked at each side and then solved it. The longest it took was 31 seconds. The fastest was about 10.

We stood and watched it with the kids for about 5 minutes during which time it must have done the puzzle 4 or 5 times. At the end, we asked one of them what she thought of it. Her only comment? "I thought the cube was going to bigger".

Seriously, who'd have them?!

No comment required

2008-09-18T13:36:00.000+01:00

Exposures

2008-09-14T10:19:00.005+01:00

More Fringe activity yesterday.. We went into town to take part in Exposures, a sort of photographic treasure hunt around the streets of Temple Bar..

It started at 1.30 at the Box Office where we were given an orange envelope and told to go around the corner where we'd receive more information. When we got there we were met by a woman dressed in old clothes and covered in sparkling, silver body paint. She spoke to Helen for a moment about the old days and the crazy things they got up to in the past. It seemed that we were playing a character who used to rule Dublin but had been chased out of the city. We were given a bunch of photographs with writing on them and a disposable camera and we were told we'd 2 hours to complete the task. Our job was to go around the city taking photographs to match the words on the pictures. So one picture said something like:'Tonight's the night, let's take a walk on the wild side'. Another said: 'Be careful - he's in disguise. He could be anyone'. So we had to imagine things around town that we could photograph which might match up to the text. And all of it is some attempt to put together the pieces of who we were in a former life.

I know it all sounds a bit odd but it was terrific. Once you accepted that there was no right or wrong answer and the whole thing was really just an excuse to take some pictures and get creative, it all fell made more sense. Part of the instructions were written on letterheads and business cards. The idea was you'd go to a business where someone would give yo a clue as to what your past was. So for instance, there was a card for a barbers shop that said we had to go there to meet Terrence. We got there and the barber sat Helen sat in the chair and went off to find Terrence. Suddenly a guy who was sitting in the salon reading a newspaper jumped up, ran over to us and told us that we needed to go before they found us. He gave us a clue (which said 'show us where you hid the body') and ran us out of the shop. All of this happened while other punters sat there waiting to have their hair cut. So then we had to go and take a picture of where we might have hid a body in Temple Bar. Ridiculous and a bit strange but, again, if you let yourself fall into it, it was a great laugh. They're were more instructions like that. We went into the ifi where a girl came over to us, told su we shouldn't have come and led us out through a back door. She stuck another piece of paper in our hand that said 'Show us a childhood memory' so off we went to take a picture of some kind of imagined memory from the city.

I don't know if I'm making Exposures sound good or not. But it was. I should say that the reason we were taking photos is that lots of people will be doing the same thing and at the end of the Festival there'll be an exhibition of all the photographs. So basically, there'll be lots of different versions of the same story. Dozens of photographic interpretations of instructions like 'We're at the point of no return' and 'show us where you lost your mind'.

When we finished the task, we brought our camera to another silvery chap in Meeting House Square. He told us to open our orange envelope which contained a jigsaw piece with writing on it and to take it to local pub where everything would become clear. So off we went to the pub where we found a bunch of people with the jigsaw on the table. We added our piece to the puzzle and read what we could of all the pieces but of course, none of it made sense. It was more stuff about how 'once we ruled the streets but after that fateful night we were chased through the park and nobody could tell if the sounds we made were screams or laughter'.

Now I know it all sounds a bit arty and a bit amateur drama and, I suppose in a sense, it was. But as I've said before, it's the Fringe Festival. It's where people with a bit of an idea and some silver paint can get out on the street and make something happen. You might think it's a bit strange and it certainly isn't theatre as we know it but everyday, normal punters are getting out on the streets, being shouted at in hair salons and cinema foyers, imagining a different world and taking pictures of what they've seen. And if that isn't theatre or art I don't know what is.

The exhibition is next weekend and I'm looking forward to seeing what everyone else has done. Maybe we'll find out what it all means but I'm guessing that's not going to happen.

No pressure, Theo

2008-09-14T09:44:00.005+01:00

I couldn't sleep this morning so I cane downstairs and found myself watching BBC's repeat of last night's Match of the Day. When I was a kid I was a big football fan but I don't ever get to watch much football anymore so it was a bit of a treat to catch some highlights. One of the featured games was Arsenal victory against Blackburn.

In the aftermath of Theo Walcott's 3 goals for England during the week, Hansen and Linekar were assessing the teenager's performance. He didn't score yesterday and he didn't score in his previous game against Newcastle (I just checked - he was on the bench and came on after 72 minutes). Anyway, Hansen was banging on about how spectacular Walcott is and what a great talent and hope for England and blah blah blah...

At one point he said something like 'We talked about him after the Fulham game (I checked - Arsenal lost to Fulham on August 23rd) and questioned whether or not he was good enough for this level but since then he's gone from strength to strength'

Strength to strength? He's played 2 and a bit games since Alan Hansen was saying he wasn't good enough and now he's England's saviour? I assume if he doesn't score for a couple of games he'll be rubbish again. It's tough at the top.

What ever happened to lying and cheating?

2008-09-14T08:52:00.005+01:00

There's an ad on the radio at the moment for an insurance company or a bank that promises great rates or dividends to whoever takes up their latest offer. At the end of the ad, the voiceover tell us: 'Trust me, you don't want to miss this offer'.

Trust you? A stranger's voice on a radio ad selling insurance? Sure - where do I sign?

Has you noticed that suddenly everybody wants to be trusted? In an attempt to display some kind of authority, we've all started adding 'Trust Me' to the beginning of sentences/ Some recent examples I've heard..

'Trust me - you'll love the new Batman film'
'Trust me - I know what funny is'
'Trust me - you can totally get away with that shirt'

It's not what they're saying that annoys me - if someone wants to recommend a film, that's fine. But this trust thing is getting out of hand.. You're giving me an opinion but don't start thinking that sticking 'Trust Me' at the start of a sentence makes me feel any more or less inclined to believe you. It's come right on the back of everybody's need for full transparency and honesty with all things. There was a time people were happy to take others at face value. Now, most of us can't get through a sentence without reminding us that they're not telling any porkies. And it's not as if they're revealing anything interesting about themselves:

'Well, I was going to go to Batman tonight, but to be honest, I went to Mamma Mia instead'

'To be honest, I'm going to drink vodka tonight'

'I'm just not sure what I want to order, to be honest'

Sometimes people get it right though. Here's something that a colleague said to me the other day: 'I told my husband I'd visit his parents at the weekend but, to be honest, I can't stand his mother's cooking so I'm going to pretend to be sick.'

There you go - that's more like it. There's a scenario with an expected outcome but I was being let in on a lie that others aren't aware of. So there's a need for a bit of honesty there. Well done her.. Although, at the same time, she should be ashamed of herself! I mean how ban can his mother's cooking be?

I dunno really what my point is. Except that I'd like everybody to give up all the pointless trusting and honesty. Cos it's driving me crazy. To be honest.

Round She Goes

2008-09-12T00:14:00.004+01:00

As I said earlier, I went to see Round She Goes, featuring the delightful Amy G and her equally delightful double bass player John, tonight in the Bosco Theatre. And what an odd thing it was.

Amy spent most of the show skating around the stage singing and playing a ukelele while her deadpan bassist watched from the side adding occasional vocals and frequent nods and gestures to proceedings. I've read that she was one of the highlights of La Clique at last year's Festival so she came back this year with her own show in a much smaller venue literally in the shadow of the more glamourous Spiegeltent. So while she was performing her show, the audience could hear all the noise and whooping from the show she used to be in 50 yards away. To say it was distracting is a bit of an understatement. At times it was hard to hear what was going on in fornt of us with all the noise from next door. Still, as she told us, she's not bitter.. Better to be a big fish in a small pond and all that.

But here's the problem with small theatre spaces. When you're seeing someone performing a show at such close quarters, it's hard not to cringe for them. It's the same feeling people sometimes get at the theatre. You're reminded of the ludicrousness of what you're watching. Sure - at the big shows like La Clique, the crowd are pumped up and ready to applaud pretty much anything but in a smaller venue, the audience is a lot more reserved and the performer has to work extra hard to get a reaction. I'm not complaining about the audience - after all I was in it so I'm as much to blame as anyone else, but it seems the closer you are to the act the more distant you become. And that must be dispiriting for someone trying to sing and tell jokes and generally engage a crowd.

Saying that, there comes a point that you've got to put away your cringe factor and just enjoy the performance for what it is. I mean, the songs weren't great, and the comedy wasn't anything special but she had talent, energy and she showed a lot of determination in front of a pretty quiet bunch of punters.. Sometimes a little charm goes a long way. On the plus side, she has a a fantastic voice, could dance pretty well on skates and was prepared to let us see how unpolished it all was. I like shows where it's not obvious where the laughs are. That's not to say it wasn't funny. It often was but she was confident enough to just let the comedy find us slowly. And sometimes it didn't find us at all which is where all the tension lay. I love to see a performer working in those greyish areas. It's a lot more interesting that watching an established stand-up in Vicar Street where the's no need for the performer to work very hard at all. Tonight, there was a lot of talk about how our imperfections make us perfect and while it'd be easy to dismiss that as the performer's lame attempt to justify a poor show, I'm not sure there isn't something to it. This isn't the Theatre Festival after all - it's the Fringe. If artists can't stage a half-baked musical show wearing rollerskates at the Fringe Festival, where can they do it? And surely it's important that they do it.

By the end, the crowd had, I think, let go of themselves and opened up to what she was trying to do and while we weren't exactly screaming for more, I've got to say that I'd go and see her again if she had a new show.

And yes, she played (or maybe she didn't) America the Beautiful on a kazoo. That's all I'm saying. Look it up on youtube. In a way I wish she hadn't. The act she had just done was so energetic and pleasing that an encore performance really wasn't necessary. Still - well done Amy G and John the bass player. They'll probably be off now to another festival and another small room full of people confused and bewildered by what they're doing..

What a strange life it must be..

Fringe

2008-09-11T18:26:00.004+01:00

I'm off to see Round She Goes in The Secret Garden tonight. It's our second thing we're going to after the fabulous La Clique last Friday night. Hoping to see another few before it all ends next week.

La Clique was terrific. It's kind of a camp acrobatic freak show of a circus type affair with a little bit or eroticism (naked lady!) and a few hula-hoops thrown in for good measure. Not to mention Captain Frodo the double-jointed rubber man who can squeeze, bend and snap his body through a 10inch tennis racket.. A sight to see. And then there's the hunky guy in Levis jeans and a bath tub who flies around the room. You should go..

Anyway, I'm told that Amy G does unspeakable things with a kazoo in Round She Goes. I hope it's as entertaining as I've been told. I'll report back tomorrow.

Morning in America

2008-09-11T17:55:00.005+01:00

I've recently discovered this fantastic website. It's an archive of every US presidential election tv commercial from 1952 - 2004. I'm a nut for this kind of thing. The one above which attempts to discredit Spiro Agnew's nomination is at times funny, shocking and, in a way, frustrating. Agnew ran as VP on the Nixon ticket in 68 & 72. He ended up resigning in 73, a year before Nixon's ignominious departure and the two of them never spoke again. You could run the same ad today about one of the current VP candidates.

I've watched a bunch of them and it's hard to pick a favourite but I've got a soft spot for this one. It's probably one of the most famous ads too although I'd never seen it until recently. I'd heard the expression 'Morning in America' used witheringly in episodes of the West Wing and never really got it. Watching this and knowing what was really happening at the time, it all starts to make sense.. Still - what a great clip - as a romantic ideal it's hard to beat. You can see why it worked. When I was 12 this is what I thought America was like. Paperboys, station wagons, white picket fences and smiling faces everywhere.. It's not really like that, is it?

He's here to save us!

2008-08-29T13:31:00.004+01:00

I think the AP are pushing the 'Obama as saviour' thing a bit much with this image from last night's Convention speech. That's a grand healthy glow coming off of him.

Incidentally isn't all this talk of the 'rapturous reception' he got last night a bit redundant? I mean, he was standing in front of 70,000 Democrats at the end of a week in which they'd constantly been talking him up. What kind of reception did the press expect him to get? Put him in front of a football field of Republicans in Texas and let's see how he gets on.

Still - his speech was terrific. Apparently his head speechwriter, Jon Favreau, is only 26. Impressive. I could've done that when I was 26 too.. It's just that nobody asked me.

How was the film?

2008-08-28T13:54:00.002+01:00

A couple of nights ago, with some spare time to kill and a bottle of wine to enjoy, we settled down to watch a dvd. Our options were one of the free 'Days That Shook The World' DVDs that the Sunday Times have been giving away over the last few weeks (possibly the only free DVD in a newspaper that I've even felt compelled to watch) or Amelie.

Helen had never seen Amelie before, so given the choice of watching 2 documentaries about the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand and the last days of the Second World War or Amelie, which tells the story of a shy waitress who decides to change the lives of those around her for the better, while struggling with her own isolation.

We managed about 75 minutes of it before Helen's fidgeting and sighing led me to ask her if she was enjoying the film, which, let's not forget is one of the most popular films of the last 10 years.. Surprisingly she wasn't. In fact after telling me that she found her annoying, vindictive and for all her do-gooding, an annoying little wagon, she uttered the following line: "I'd rather watch Hitler than Amelie".

I don't think I've ever heard a criticism of a film that was so far removed from the general consenus.

On reflection, I think she could well be right.

Breaking News

2008-08-28T11:54:00.002+01:00

What?! Since when? First I've heard of it.. Who's this Obama character?

They play the full 90 minutes in Stoke!

2008-08-23T17:47:00.007+01:00

I was checking the news on the Independent's website a few minutes ago and spotted this report from Stoke City's first home premiership game since 1985..

A draw against Villa isn't a bad result I suppose..

Of course a win would be much better which, according to the bbc who presumably waited until the final whistle to file copy, is what they got..

Good work, lads.. And well done to Stoke who aren't really given much chance of staying the Premier League this year. I bet they didn't have anyone playing for them in 1985 with a name like Mamady Sidibe!

These amateur colours are making me crazy!

2008-08-22T13:58:00.006+01:00

In this industry (and others, probably) it's always tough when the main contact you've been dealing with leaves your client's organisation and is replaced by an outsider keen to put their own stamp on things and impress everyone. It usually leads to a lot of unnecessary alterations that are insisted upon by the new person just to make themselves seem very important..

We've spent a lot of time over the last 2 years working on a suite of documents for a client in the hospitality business. They've just replaced their operations manager who's insisting on orchestrating changes to the material. Her rationale? The colours don't look very professional.

Professional? We're at a loss here. Does anybody know what distingushes a colour as professional? I'm certain he doesn't know what it means but maybe he thought it would sound good in a boardroom somewhere.. We're considering telling him to hold on a little while because the existing colours are going to go professional after the Olympics.

Professional colours.. I ask you..

Grace in defeat

2008-08-22T13:44:00.003+01:00

So Ireland's brave Paddy Barnes has been beaten comprehensively (I think we can call 15-0 comprehensive, can't we?)in his Flyweight Semi-final in Beijing this morning.

After the fight he branded the standard of judging in his bout and the tournament overall as "a disgrace". RTE, in their online coverage, take a similar line, claiming that "If ever there was an example of the questionability of Olympic boxing scoring, this tie was it." They then offered a blow-by blow (literally) account of the bout which if the judges had corrected the scoring to match RTE's opinion, would have led to a score of 15-2. So there's a miscarriage if ever I saw one.

After the fight Barnes was asked if he was proud of his achievement in winning a Bronze. His response? "They can keep the bronze medal, I don't care. It's for losers."

That's the spirit!

For real men only

2008-08-21T23:04:00.007+01:00

Confession time. I've like Brian McFadden. I'm not really sure why but he always seemed a decent sort. A chancer, for sure, but an ok punter underneath it all. His attempts to be Westlife's own Robbie Williams were a little desperate and there's no question that most of his solo work has been awful but still he always struck me as a likable sort..

I went to see him doing a showcase gig in Whelans a few years ago for his first (his only?) post-Westlife solo album and I think that's what swung it for me. The audience was full of two kinds of people - on one side was his family and the other was a crowd of people (including me) who got in on the promise of free booze and who spent most of the gig laughing at him. One song was some sort of apology to his kids for leaving their mother (possibly the only smart thing he ever did) and I still crack up at the memory of him emoting to an audience of laughing cynics. In the middle of all my derision though I started to think that maybe he really believed all the stuff he was singing and that, while we were laughing at him, he was up there giving it a go and trying to stick it to the begrudgers.. And being the kind of chap who loves an underdog, I started to warm to him a bit..

Now it turns out he's a homophobe. Except I don't think he is really. On a radio show he was co-hosting in New Zealand, he was having a conversation about whether it was acceptable for men to wear pink. In a moment of real madness, in a response to a caller who claimed that pink is really just a variation on red, he said the following:

"Saying pink is a form of red is the same as saying that homosexual is a form of male"

What?! Seriously, I heard that today in the office and laughed. What on earth does it even mean? I really don't think he knew what he was saying and I certainly don't think it marks him down as a homophobe. I've listened to the clip online (and you can here) and his point (in as much as he had a point - it sounds like he's just jibber-jabbering really) is that it's unacceptable for real men to wear pink. That if you wear pink you are possibly telling the world that you might be homosexual. He isn't saying he hates gays or that homosexuals are going to hell. In fairness, he does say that in ye olden days it was frowned upon to be gay and that the church would burn you at the stake. But he doesn't say that he's ok with it or any such thing, not that stopped the papers from jumping up and down and calling him names..

Anyway, here's a thing. I know people who react to seeing men wearing pink by making a joke about him being gay. There - I've said it. I don't know where it came from but it's a concept that's been around for years. Is it an Irish thing? I know people who think they can tell by the way a man walks whether he's gay or not. I have friends (girls actually) who swear they know by how a man slices bread. I even know one very intelligent woman who claims you can tell a man is gay by the shape of his head. I almost believe her! My point is that people make comments like that all the time. Does it offend gay people? It can't, can it? I work with a gay man who makes far more offensive comments every day about being gay than McFadden could imagine but nobody is offended. He says some choice things about straight people too but that's by the by. And if a gay man (let's say Graham Norton or Elton John for example) made the comments that Brian McFadden did, nobody would say a word. Why? Because it would be knowing and self-aware and, sure aren't the gayers great lads for making jokes about themselves, and all that etc..

Of course he did say that thing about homosexuality not being 'a form of male' but really, it was barely a fully constructed sentence, never mind the madness of a gay-hater. It suggest to me that rather than having hatred in his heart he just has a bit of foot in his mouth. And believe me, when you're co-hosting on the radio that's a very easy thing to do..

I could get behind (fannarrr) the gay community over that Heinz gay ad nonsense in June but if they're going to get offended by this they're on their own. Them and their pink shirt wearing, funny walking, round-faced, bread-slicing friends!

And oh, look at this!

The eyes have it

2008-08-15T13:40:00.001+01:00

They're at it again..

Not 46 but not 26 either.

2008-08-14T14:09:00.006+01:00

As of today, I'm 36. This is me before I left for work this morning. I added the hat and badge later

I don’t know what 36 is supposed to feel like but I don’t think I feel like I’m 36. Anymore than I felt like I was 35 yesterday. In my head I’m somewhere around 28 or thereabouts. There’s not much to say about being 36, is there? 40 is still a ways away (still - it's coming) but 30 is even further away, disappearing rapidly from my rear view mirror. It’s kinda like the Tuesday of thirtysomething birthdays.

If I’m honest I don’t think I ever had any great goals for my 36th year. Maybe I thought I’d have kids by now but I’m not too bothered about that today. Not since I have a new watch to play with. It’s got 3 winders and lots of other dials on the face. I’ve no idea what they’re for but I’m sure it’s very important. Scuba diving and running around burning buildings - that kind of thing. Besides if I had kids I probably wouldn’t have been able to have my breakfast in bed this morning. Which I did. And it was delicous. I’m not even aware of any great artistic achievements by 36 year-olds. Dylan did nothing the year he was 36. John Lennon was baking bread (supposedly) in the Dakota. Springsteen had finished a huge tour just before his 36th birthday and spent most of that year doing very little. So, hey - if sitting on laurels was good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.. If only I had some laurels. Not to worry, the book can wait another year. Although it’d be good if I had a better idea by then.

Let’s look back at the last year though. This time last year I hadn't done any of the following:
> donated blood;
> driven in France;
> seen Leo Burnham for the first time;
> fallen down the stairs (twice);
> had a pedicure;
> seen Bruce and the band 4 times;
> wangled myself a co-presenting gig on the radio;
> erected scaffolding;
> been targetted (accurately) by vicous egg terrorists;
> sanded the floors;
> met Daniel Day Lewis;
> read a bunch of great books including Moondust, Gene Kerrigan's The Midnight Choir and Robert Harris’ Ghost writer;
> read some not very good at all books like Douglas Kennedy’s State of the Union;
> been to Steve and Dara’s wedding;
> skanked my way into itunes american site and bought a bunch of things you can’t buy anywhere else;
> watched in horror as I realised itunes american site was on to me and had cancelled my balance!;
> plastered the ceilings;
> plucked up the nerve to get my media wanker glasses;
> had a massage (fnaarr!);
> accidentally killed my laptop (not my fault, guv);
> seen No Country for Old Men, Man on Wire, Enchanted or Elegy;
> visited Michael in Prague;
> picked a lock;
> Bought new cds by Elbow, Fleet Foxes, Vampire Weekend, Al Green, Bruce, Paul Weller, Shelby Lynne, Robert Plant, Aimee Mann, Coldplay, Cathy Davey, in an attempt to find something new and exciting to listen to;
> Listened to all of the above and arrived at the conclusion that there's nothing new anymore;
> shook tins outside shops for Heart Kids (well done Finglas, thanks for nothing Blanchardstown);
> sat through the entire third series of Greys Anatomy on dvd and managed to almost enjoy it by the end. Almost.

And of course most of these things wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met Helen last September. Apart from being pelted in eggs walking home from work.

All in all not a bad year really. I don’t know what this year is going to bring to Connolly Towers, but more of the same would be fine with me. Apart from the egg attack and the falling down the stairs thing. I’m so over that lark.

So happy birthday to me.

Oh, and even though she hasn’t called me all year, I hope Ana Matronic is having a lovely day. I bet my year was more interesting.

Who'll Stop The Rain?

2008-08-12T23:18:00.003+01:00

Another horrible, rainy night in Dublin. More flooding, more delays and more opportunities for met eireann to tell us that it's going to get worse before it gets worse. I swear they're loving it..

Anyway, I just read an article on the irish times website about the weather conditions and I was taken by this particular sentence:

"The rain will ease on Thursday and Friday before returning with a vengeance at the weekend."

A vengeance? For what? Seems a little harsh, doesn't it? Have we disrespected the rain? Could we have insulted it somehow? Maybe it doesn't like to see people in flooded areas getting around in canoes and those feelgood pictures you always see in papers of men carrying kids around on their shoulders with their trousers rolled up. Maybe we just didn't take last weeks floods as seriously as we should have. Clearly, cancelling the Tullamore show in Offaly wasn't enough. Now the rain is fighting back. It's coming back with sticks and baseball bats and this time it means business.

I don't know much about the Bible but I watched enough West Wing to remember “‘Vengeance is mine’ saith the Lord” They never mentioned the weather though. Perhaps it's God's will. Perhaps the Irish Times just got a bit carried away. Either way I'm not leaving the house this weekend.. After everything I said about not being made of sugar when I went outside during last weekend's downpour I'm taking no chances!

People are so easily offended

2008-08-12T17:56:00.003+01:00

Whatever about me wondering if it was still August (After the Deluge, below), now I'm starting to wonder if it's even 2008..

It's been a great news day for insults, racism and all-round bad behaviour.

1. The Spanish basketball team, currently world champions, posed for a promotional photograph advertising their Olympic sponsor. In it they have all pulled their eyes back in a hilarious slit-eyed manner. And this from a country whose reputation on race matters is hardly at an all-time high. Nice one, Spain.

2. Meanwhile, closer to home, an English pipe fitter earns a payout of €20,000 at an Equality Tribunal after they heard how he was abused by his Irish colleagues after starting work on a building site in 2006. Rebel songs, negative comments and general insulting.. Good work - lets put the filthy Tan in his place. 800 years of oppression and all that.. Although I'm sure there's lots of Irish men who've worked building sites in London and Manchester and Birmingham who could tell similar tales. But of course that's the past. And the past is another country. Still, fortunately, the days of No Blacks, No Irish and No Dogs are a thing of the past, right?

3. A house is listed for renting in Belfast with a sign that says "This property is not available for any foreigners." Ah. You're not allowed do that anymore are you? Unless he just meant that he didn't want anybody from 80s rock legend Foreigner to rent his house. Which would be fine. Still at least most foreigners have soap which brings us back again to the Olympics.

4. The head of Australia's Olympic Committee, John Coates responds to Rebecca Adlington's 400m freestyle gold for Britain by saying "It's not bad for a country that has no swimming pools and very little soap."Actually I'm not sure if that's offensive or just funny. Although perhaps by saying that I'm just showing myself to be no better than anyone else.

5. And finally there's the story of that lovely cute Chinese girl who sang at the Olympics opening ceremony on Friday. Turns out that the cute girl, Lin Miaoke, wasn't actually singing but was, in fact, miming to a song which was originally sung by the very talented but not quite so cute, Yang Peiyi. She was replaced by the organisers because her teeth are crooked and therefore didn't fit the required profile. I'm surprised anyone really noticed. I thought all Chinese people were supposed to look the same.*

So that's a good day's work. Let's see who's been insulted: The Spanish insulted the Chinese, the Irish insulted the English, The Northern Irish insulted the rest of the world, the Australians insulted the British and the Chinese insulted 9-year olds everywhere with crooked teeth.

It's political incorrectness gone mad!

*Obviously that's a joke, China.

Don't know, don't care

2008-08-12T14:10:00.007+01:00

Spotted this fantastic poll on breakingnews.ie earlier. It seems that 59% of people who responded to the 'News Poll' don't care whether or not Lindsay Lohan courts publicity. In fact they don't care so much that they were compelled to cast a vote to say as much.. I know it doesn't take a great deal of effort to cast an online vote but why would you bother?

Afer the Deluge

2008-08-12T13:46:00.005+01:00

This was what the streets around Connolly Towers looked like on Sunday after Saturday's rain. It is still August, isn't it?

Incidentally, isn't that an enormous Jesus outside the Church? Looks like he's hailing a cab or something.

Barack Astley

2008-08-11T18:16:00.004+01:00

Some people have too much time on their hands. The rest of us can only admire them.

It's nature, innit?

2008-08-11T17:59:00.002+01:00

This is a chilli plant made from actual chilli seeds.. Two weeks ago we took a handful of seeds from a chilli we were using for dinner and chucked them in a pot of muck. Nothing happened for about a week until we put it in the gas storage box thing in the living room. The following day we saw little green leaves. So that tells us that it likes heat. It's been a week now and this is what she looks like. Supposedly, you're meant to name plants so this one is called Matilda. I though David was a better name but I was outvoted. Which is to say that my vote didn't count at all.. Probably for the best..

Anyway, my point is, isn't nature amazing? Who knew that chucking a few seeds in a pot would yield all these leaves and might yet yield a load of chillis. Actually everyone knows that, don't they?

Still - expect regular updates. Or none at all, if she dies over the next few days. We'll see..

Spell it out

2008-08-06T17:52:00.005+01:00

The papers today have all been leading with Madeline McCann stories. Obviously it's a story that continues to provoke great interest and it's no surprise that all the papers and news sites have been covering the latest revelations. What's more surprising is that there doesn't seem to be any consensus on how to spell her abbreviated name. I mean, for over a year we've been bombarded with information and speculation about her disappearance and yet at least half of the news outlets in the UK and Ireland are spelling her name incorrectly.

Perhaps they should ask her parents.

Missing

2008-08-03T13:15:00.004+01:00

Every week on the radio show, we go through Saturday's newspapers and pick out interesting things to talk about. While we were browsing through them yesterday, I noticed that the Mirror had a story about Gerard McDonnell, the Limerick man who, on Friday, became the first Irishman to reach the peak of K2. As far as I can tell, the Mirror was the only paper that carried story but we picked up on it as a good news story and talked about it briefly. According to the article, K2 is supposed to be harder than Everest to climb and that more people have died on the descent than any other mountain. We casually chatted about how awful it would be to reach the peak but not make it back down..

Yesterday evening before I went out I noticed on the irish times website that McDonnell and his team of Dutch climber have, in fact, gone missing after falling ice hit them at 8,000m. This morning when I went for the papers, I found that most of them are now covering his disappearance. Whether he's alive or dead, and at the momet it seems unlikely that he'll be found alive, isn't it a shame that the papers seemed less interested to talk about his achievement on Friday morning than his disappearance on Friday evening?

Be careful what you wish for..

2008-07-30T13:50:00.005+01:00

This has been doing the rounds for the last few days but it took until yesterday for me to figure out what it all means.. It supposedly happened in a WalMart store in America but it could've happened anywhere..

Customer: "Hello, I'd like to order a personalised cake for a going away party next week"

Cakeman: "Of course sir, what would you like us to write on it?"

Customer: "I'd like it to say 'Best Wishes Suzanne'.

Cakeman: That should be fine. Anything else?

Customer: Underneath that 'We Will Miss You'.

Cakeman: "No problem at all"

But that doesn't explain how they managed to spell 'underneath' incorrectly, does it?

Still, I'm sure it was delicious.

6 wheeler

2008-07-30T11:46:00.003+01:00

Saw this at the end of Helen's road last night. Now I'm sure the bloke who owns the scooter won't have been impressed when he came out this morning but there's a quality to this, isn't there? I mean, if somebody wanted to vandalise it, they could just have kicked it over. This, however took a bit of mischief and a drop of wit. And probably an extra pair of hands to get it up there.

In fact, if it was an installation in IMMA I wouldn't blink an eye..

Well done those vandals!

Is this harsh?

2008-07-10T17:54:00.004+01:00

A local wag hs been busy with glue and paper.

Ok - so it might be juvenile and rudimentary but it made me laugh when I saw it. Which is more than I can say for the film itself..

Tough day at the office, dear?

2008-07-10T14:02:00.003+01:00

Helen went into The Gap the other day to ask if they had something that she couldn't see on display. She was confidently told that the didn't. Of course nobody actually checked to see. Isn't it funny how shop assistants can barely form a sentence yet have a complete inventory of the stockroom in their heads? Anyway, undeterred she asked if perhaps it could be ordered in from one of their shops in the UK but that wasn't an option either..

As she finished the exchange, the assistant told her that they were the hardest questions she'd ever been asked in the shop. Which is fine, I suppose, but you have to wonder prior to then what were the toughest questions she's ever been asked. "Do you have this in a large "What time are you clocking off?" "What's your name?"

If it wasn't for those darned customers, it'd probably be a good place to work.

Headline of the day..

2008-07-10T13:58:00.007+01:00

Zoo sightseers left dangling 30m above baboon pit in cable car

It's all in there isn't it? You don't even need to read the article.. Quality work.

But we did a spellcheck..

2008-07-09T13:59:00.008+01:00

So the Irish Times website tells us that 4 premiers will be visiting the Abbey next year. Who could it be? Sarkozy? Obama or McCain? Angela Merkel? Gordon Brown?

Oh, I see - they meant premieres..

This is what happens when you start giving your news away for free. The first thing that goes is the quality control.. Sorry - I know pointing out typos is a pedantic affair but I've been doing a bit of research on them lately - I just can't help myself now..

Beside, the Irish Times should know better..

That's the Point

2008-07-09T08:12:00.005+01:00

This is the new O2 venue in Dublin's Docklands, formerly known as The Point Theatre, which was formerly known as the Point Depot. So let me rephrase that: This is the new Point Depot in Dublin's Docklands. It was announced at the weekend that O2 were throwing something like €25 million at the Point's developers to have their name plastered all over it.

In fairness it's been a tough time for concertgoers and promoters since the Point closed down last year. Promoters have had to get inventive with their choices of venues - a huge tent in the Phoenix Park, gigs in Kilmaninham, and, of course, just sending the acts up the road to the Odyssey in Belfast. And giggers have had to put up with schlepping off the beaten track to watch gigs in fields and courtyards where the sound was so-so at best. At least in the old Point the sound was adequate. Barely adequate I suppose, but preferable to the muffled rumblings that was the sounds in the Phoenix Park lark Autumn. So, I guess it'll be good to have an enormous all-singing, all-dancing venue in the capital city again.

But how enormous will it be? In an interview with the Irish Times at the weekend, Harry Crosbie, the Property Developer who owns the Point and most of the Docklands said:

"I think that the experience of seeing a show in the new arena is going to up the ante for all the punters. The experience of going to a show is going to be vastly improved because the sightlines are perfect, because of its massive intimacy and because of the choice of catering, you can eat and drink around the venue.

I fail to understand why you want to stand in a wet field in broad daylight and you can’t see the light shows. I really believe that people will be stunned when they see the Point.”

Massive Intimacy. What's that then? He might as well have said "because of it's big littleness".

Also, perfect sightlines? Does that mean I won't have to put up with people behind me constantly complaining about my height? This is very good news indeed..

Interesting to see that Harry is still calling it the Point despite pocketing a hefty cheque from the sponsors. Hey - if Harry says it's the Point, that's good enough for me.

I wonder who they'll have in to open it when it launches later this year. Huey Lewis & The News were the first act to play in the old venue. I'm sure they'd be available.

How was the film?

2008-07-05T22:41:00.007+01:00

To Temple Bar's Meeting House Square on Friday night for the first night of Movies on the Square, one of the main attractions in Temple Bar Cultural Trust's summer programme. Last night was the opening night so there was lots of young beautiful types queueing up to have their photo taken (tilting their heads and dropping their knee the way girls on America's next Top Model do) for The Dubliner and not queueing up to get their hands on free gourmet burgers. After all, the camera adds 10lbs and all that...

The films are being shown in Meeting House Square with a huge canopy protecting the audience from the rain. It was a very wet night but the canopy, a pretty elaborate affair that sprang from one corner of the square to the other making the space feel more like a dome, kept us all dry as the rain came down outside. It couldn't do much about the cold but at least we were dry. Interestingly, I passed by today and ducked into the square for a moment. The canopy was down today so obviously they're just going to put it up every Friday for the night. It looked like a permanent fixture last night but I guess it must go up and down with relative ease. I wouldn't fancy folding it up afterwards though..

As is often the case, the crowd was a bit of a mixed bag - most of whom showed up to see the opening night's film, The Commitments, and not to listen to Republic of Loose, who were there, somewhat reluctantly, to entertain the crowd before the film. At the best of times, they're an entertaining bunch with a sweet line in funky rock and roll. At the worst of times, they're a disinterested bunch of chancers with a belligerent bear of a frontman. You can guess which version showed up last night. I had to laugh at the irony of getting a Dublin band with an oversized charismatic frontman who eventually implode spectacularly to warm up a crowd of people waiting to see The Commitments, a film about a Dublin Band with an oversized charismatic frontman.. ..you get my point. So they plugged away petulantly before miraculously getting some of the crowd to stand up and move about a little. Eventually (it felt like they were up there for hours) they finished up and the film started..

Now I'm sure they were opening night's teething problems but I've got to say that the sound was atrocious. It varied from being slowed down to speeding up and then slowing down again. Very frustrating while it lasted. And then, once it sorted itself out, we were confronted with the worst thing you have to deal with when attending events in a public space - the public. What is it with people (I'm trying to be balanced, but we that more often than not it's girls, right?) who go to gigs and just want to talk all the way through it? That's bad enough but, seriously, what possesses them to go to a film and talk and talk and talk..

"And then i said to him and he looked at me and like I didn't even know what to do but like she was there and I hadn't been there for ages and we walked in and the bar was packed and I saw what she was wearing and she's just a stupid bitch and she was like who do you think you are and I'm like who does she think she is and anyway we were there first and I didn't want to go in the first place and it's not my fault she can't keep her boyfriend and OH MY GOD, HIII!! I didn't know you were going to be here too it's great, isn't it I love this film...."

We said our goodbyes and left. You'd have done the same.

The festival is on for the rest of the summer on Friday nights. Tickets are free and I hope it's a huge success. They're showing some really good comedies every week. And Borat. If you go, bring a midnight feast and sit near the front, in the middle of your row. You'll have a great time.

Is this ok?

2008-07-05T00:18:00.002+01:00

On Today FM this week, Ray Darcy has been trying, on behalf of a nurse called 'Roisin', to locate the unknowing father of a 5 month old baby. Is there anything about that sentence that's ok?

Here's what happened: A nurse goes out one night, gets drunk and winds up in Copperface Jacks, a meat-market nightclub on Harcourt Street. Everyone has an idea of what goes on in Copperface Jacks. This story does nothing to contradict it. So Roisin meets a guy in the smoking section and heads on to a party in Rathmines. The guy, who may or may not have been from Birmingham and whose name may or may not begin with the letter 'L' is a bit of a hit with Roisin and the head off to his or her place where L and Roisin (a nurse, remember) enjoy a night of wild, unprotected passion. The following morning they shake hands on it and L goes off to meet his friends for football training. Possibly. Time passes until some weeks later Roisin discovers that she's pregnant. She goes ahead and has the child, all the while trying to find the mysterious L. Just to tell him he has a child, like. You'd think that with all the information at her disposal it wouldn't be too difficult but Roisin struggled and had to resort to hiring a private detective. Who, not surprisingly, also struggled. So Roisin, in despair, did what anyone would do in the same circumstances. She contacted Ray Darcy on Today Fm and asked him, and his 300,000 listeners, to find L. Ray gathered the details and turned it over to the people. And now it's all over the place..

Once again, is this ok?

Roisin's part in all of this is fair enough I suppose - she's in a bind and needs some help. Today FMs part is a little hazier. I don't understand what's a win for the station. How does the story end? Do they find the guy and surprise him on air? Or do they find the guy and quietly pass his details on to Roisin? Of course that's not going to work, is it? 300,000 people want to know who this guy is.. Now the Evening Herald does too. And I suppose, if I'm honest, I want to know how it all ends too. Not that I want to know who L is. I just want to know what Today Fm do when the wheels come off L's wagon. When he denies everything. When his wife leaves him. When he goes crazy on air at 11 o'clock in the morning.. It's going to be interesting.. Personally I don't think they should have gone anywhere near the whole mess but nobody asked me.

And while I'm at it, isn't it a little unfair that the woman in this situation can is kept anonymous while trying to establish the real name of the man? It reminds me of that case in the US a couple of years ago when a couple met on a first date and never met again. The man paid for the meal but when the girl told him she didn't want to see him again, he petulantly sent her a bill for her half of the meal. She ignored him and he began to leave voicemail and emails demanding the money. Outrageous behavior of course, but wherever it was reported his name was listed but her name, Joanne, was in inverted commas. Just like 'Roisin'. Darren Sherman, the stingy single guy was hung out to dry but Joanne remained unknown. If the girls want to hang these guys, is it ok for them to do it undercover?

Anyway, we'll see what happens with Roisin and L. I've been trying to find out without actually, you know, listening to the damn show or reading the Herald. Perhaps it'll be on the news tonight.

Light Entertainment Heaven!

2008-07-01T22:52:00.005+01:00

I've talked before about how good RTE's coverage of life football is. The Giles/Dunphy/Brady combo are always been great value. In fact, I rarely watch live football at all, but I still love to watch the post-game analysis on RTE's website the following day. Sunday night was the last time Liam Brady sat on the panel. He's leaving to hand out bibs and slice oranges for Giovanni Trapatonni with the Irish squad. It's a shame he's going because but at least he managed to witness something remarkable before he went.

On Saturday night the 3 lads and Bill O'Herlihy were on Miriam O'Callaghan's chat show. At the end, Miriam asked Eamon to sing which he seemed only too happy to do. Especially since the great* Phil Coulter was going to play for him. And guess what? He actually has a good voice. All the mumbling and barking we associate with his tv appearances was gone and all that was left was a tender, gentle croon. Quite lovely, actually. Loved the way he didn't wait for an introduction or find a decent place to stand where he could be seen. A true pro! A little less sucessful was Gilesy, who having been cajoled into singing, simply swayed on his chair and attempted to serenade Miriam. All the while he was singing, Eamon was smiling, mouthing the words and generally encouraging him. It's really a sight to see.

I missed it at the time but a helpful punter has put it on youtube - just as Eamon predicted on the night. I could be wrong but I'm guessing that you'd have difficulty convincing Alan Hansen and Alan Shearer to do the same.

*Possibly not true.

As you were..

2008-06-30T14:07:00.003+01:00

I know I go on about this all the time but today is the day that new legislation for driving is coming in to place. Provisional drivers, or drivers with learner permits as we know must call them, must have a qualified driver with them at all times in the car. Even drivers on their second provisional licence - sorry, learner permits, must now go along with these pesky road traffic laws..

If they don't have accompaniment, they face fines and points on their licences. And if they decide to throw the police off the scent by not displaying their L plates, they face an on-the-spot fine of €1000.

That's great, of course and it's not a moment too soon. But as always the language used around these things is always interesting. I heard on the news last week, and again in the article, that the police will enforce this legislation just like any other road traffic legislation. That's not really good enough is it? Is it too much to expect the legislation to be enforced consistently and without prejudice. Drivers in Ireland surely know that enforcing driving laws in this country is an arbitrary affair and seems to depend on the guard in question's workload for the day and his (and it's always a male guard) general mood on a given day. Which means that many people don't pay any attention to laws about mobile phones, seat belts, driving with a qualified driver and road tax. I mean why would they? Let's see if all this new legislation changes anything. I'd like to be surprised. I won't hold my breath though.

The Chief Executive of the Road Safety Authority Noel Brett said today: "The best advice we can give to people is to go to a qualified driving instructor, take lessons, identify a suitable person to accompany and mentor you while driving, get practice in and when your instructor thinks you’re ready apply for your test".

Sometimes the best ideas are the most obvious ones.

Free Times

2008-06-30T13:54:00.003+01:00

Hurrah! The Irish Times website is, at last, now free and available to one and all.. The site has been available to subscribers only for a long time but, as of today, they're opening up their big hall door and welcoming us inside for a look around.

It's very nice too. Around the office it's been getting the kind of comments that newspaper sites always get - Very clean, easy to navigate etc.. Which is the least you'd expect I suppose.

I wonder how they're going to pay for it though. It was only last year that they had their big colourful relaunch and now they're updating their site and giving it to the world. Will advertising cover it all? Given the bad news we learnt last week (well we knew about it for ages but it's official now, isn't it?) about the economy and what we read about the difficulties facing the newspaper industry worldwide, I imagine all of this could have come at a better time for the Times?

Still - that's their problem, isn't it? We're in a recession and I don't have to pay for my crossword anymore. That's a tenner I've saved this week without even getting up off my chair. This economic downturn is going to b a doddle!

Just in case your microwave isn't working..

2008-06-27T13:57:00.005+01:00

I was planning a quiet weekend but now I have to find out if this really works.
Anybody think that it's really possible to make popcorn with your mobile phone? I want to believe it's true!

And on the subject of fun with with mobile phones, have a look at this.
We're undecided in the office. Is it real or fake? Either way, it's very good..

And to think that when they first came on the market, you were able to talk to people with these things.

From the Indos' website this morning..

2008-06-26T10:54:00.008+01:00

Call the apostrophe police!

I don't mean to be snooty but I think we can expect more from a national newspaper. Which reminds me of this website which I went to recently for a bit of punctuation advice. Note the error in the topline. Perhaps they were joking.

Does this offend you, yeah? Yeah?!

2008-06-24T22:30:00.008+01:00

So Heinz have decided to pull their new tv ad after the Advertising Authority received over 200 complaints. The advert which wasn't being broadcast during children's programming, shows two children taking their packed lunch from a man in a chef's uniform in their kitchen. They call him 'mum' and the ad ends with the 'dad' rushing out the door before being called back into the kitchen to (quickly) kiss the 'mum' character.

Before the ASA could investigate the complaints, Heinz pulled the ad and apolgisesd for confronting and offending viewers with images that surely everyone who watches tv after 6pm is comfortable with. This is the ad, produced by the very talented people at AMV BBDO.

Now seriously, how offensive is this? I know that there are concerns that it might force parents to have to get into the tricky area of explaining same-sex relationships to their children but is that any harder than it is to explain whats going on in Eastenders (murder, violence, sex, Barbara Windsor!) or Grand Theft Auto (very bad things, I believe) or, God forbid, the News.

This is an advert for FCUK that was broadcast about eighteen months ago. It features 2 very attractive girls beating the bejasus out of each other and ends with the them kissing each other. There were a hundred complaints about this ad but the ASA didn't uphold any of them. Is it more likely that they'd have upheld these complaint against Heinz?

Of course, now they don't have to because Heinz have pulled the ad. Which is mind-blowing really. I mean, how many people were involved in creating it? How many ideas were chucked out before they settled on this one? How much money did it cost? How many meetings in boardrooms were held to discuss the ad? Did it really not occur to anyone that it might cause a little stir? It must have. And yet at the first sign of trouble they've taken it off the tv..

Of course the one thing that nobody is talking about is the issue that the advert isn't offensive, it's just plain bad.. Why is he a NY deli chef? Are they suggesting that Heinz is somehow identifiable with New York? It isn't, is it? No, the advert isn't offensive - it's just rubbish.

Now I read this evening that Stonewall and other gay organistions have, inevitably, called for a boycott on Heinz products. Once all this kicked off at the weekend and Heinz started planning damage limitation, somebody in PR really should have read all the way down to the end of the page. The reaction of Stonewall is as predictable as the reaction of concerned parents and outraged homophobes last week. It'll be interesting to see how they try to get out of this one..

When you gotta go.

2008-06-24T21:44:00.007+01:00

One thing that amazed us in France was the amount of people - sorry, men that we saw urinating by the side of the road. It was astonishing. Over here that sort of behaviour is reserved for inebriated young men making their way home from the pub. You see them staggering along ahead of you before suddenly dipping away from the path in front, leaning against the wall and relieving themselves of the 12 pints of lager that they've thrown their necks during the preceding hours..

Now, as I've said many times on this blog, I'm not trying to put anyone down. I think it's a nasty business but I understand that there are times when people just have to go.. I've even heard of girls doing it too so it's not strictly a filthy boy issue. I'm not sure how the girls go about doing it but I'm told it happens and that's good enough for me. Fortunately I've still to witness something that Andrew Collins recently called a 'forward slash' where the man who needs to go doesn't actually have time to stop so he just wees and walks.. Not something you'd want to see coming towards you anytime.

In France, however, it seems to be a national past-time. In fact it may be time for the French to review whoever is promoting their national stereotypes. All the time I was there I never saw a man in a stripey top with onions wrapped around his neck. But I did see several men pissing up against lamp-posts, walls and trees practically everywhere i went. Nasty business. And it's not a night-time activity over there. No, they just stop their cars on the motorway in broad daylight and let fly. They don't even try to hide it. If it was me I'd be looking for a tree or something I could go around but these lads just stop what they're doing and pop out their chap. Incredible.

On the way to St. Emilion the other week, we were caught in traffic in a small town. There was a bit of a hold-up due to construction ahead of us. We'd been there a while and lots of people had left their cars to see what was causing the delay. On the way back to their cars one of the drivers decided he couldn't wait any longer to get to where he was going and relieved himself in front of everyone. I was so stunned I'm afraid I took a picture. Look! In broad daylight! This prompted some other drivers to do the same. Suddenly they were everywhere (possible slight exaggeration) standing at lamposts and pillars and draining their pipes. It's just a pity the wind didn't change direction.. Really - is this normal? I was ready for most things that France could throw at me but nobody had warned me about this madness.

Now, you don't think it's weird that I took a picture, do you?

Uil like this one..

2008-06-24T21:24:00.006+01:00

This is Uil. Uil is a baby owl who fell from his nest. He was discovred by a friend of Helen's family in Cause de Clerans, the village we stayed in while we were France.

Anyway, he's about the size of a cigarette box at the moment but he's eating and growing and seems happy to sit on Yaris' lap while he feeds him. I'm a city boy - I don't understand how th animal kingdom works but I find it mind-blowing to see a tiny owl being hand-fed by another creature several hundred times bigger than him. You wouldn't catch me doing it! I'm used to things being smaller than me..

It looks like Yaris is going to be allowed to keep him too so I guess if I'm lucky I'll get to see how he's doing the next time I get back over there. Nature eh? Mad stuff!

Now is it my imagination or does Uil bear a resemblance to former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern. I think it's uncanny..

It gets worse..

2008-06-12T10:44:00.003+01:00

So gardai are mounting a 6-day blitz on learner drivers who don't display L-plates and drive unaccompanied on the road in an attempt to cut down the number of road deaths. That's great. Which leads me to ask 2 questions:

1. How on earth are they going to do that? I mean, if the male driver of a car doesn't have an L-plate and is driving alone, how are the police going to distinguish him from me? Are they really going to stop every lone driver who looks under that age of 30, something which, despite my advancing years, I manage to do.. Or are they going to just stop the ones who look a bit dodgy.. I'm not sure that's allowed anymore, is it?

2. Why is it only lasting 6 days? 2 of which are a weekend? After next Friday, can all learner drivers go back to breaking the law and not worry about being stopped?

Seriously, after that nonsense earlier in the week about pardoning drink drivers who are just a little bit over the limit, you have to wonder who's coming up with this nonsense..

The learner driver situation in Ireland is out of control and has been for a long time but announcing a 6 day plan to crackdown on drivers isn't the best place to start is it? The crackdown should be permanent and the penaltys significant.

Now, back to my cheseboard..

Going Dutch

2008-06-10T22:22:00.003+01:00

We went down the road last night to Chateau les Merles for dinner. Actually, we went the long way through a forest, taking a couple of wrong turns along the way before coming out on the road we'd been looking for.

Anyway, I'd heard a lot about les merles over the last year or so and it really is a fantastic place. Great food, lovely staff and we could sit out in the courtyard and enjoy the evening sunshine as we ate. Cause de Clerans, where we're staying, is a small village of about 20 or so houses and one very cool castle. It's got a bit of a Dutch contingent and it was only as we sat having dinner yesterday that I realised Holland were playing in Euro 2008. As kick-off approached the (mostly Dutch) staff and owner were all caught up in the excitement. After our meal we went into the clubhouse (les Merles has a golf club too) to watch the game. It was fantastic. A bunch of international hotel guests and diners gathered in a tiny room with a handful of diehard Holland fans. And one unfortunate Italian.. As the game progressed and Holland took control, the atmosphere in the room was terrific. The hotel gave us free drinks and there was lots of banter amongst the happy viewers. I'm a little reluctant to over-romanticise it all but I'm in France, the sun is shining, the food is great and things couldn't be much better. If I can't over-romanticise now, when can I?

And Holland beat Italy. I've always had a soft spot for the Dutch so they'll be my team during the tournament. In fact, I've just been to paddy power's website and thrown a few quid on them so let's see how we go. Watching the game last night I was reminded how much I love these tournaments. We don't have a tv in the house here so that's the only game I've seen this year but when we get back to Dublin, I'm looking forward to the rest of the competition. Let's just hope that holland aren't home before we are!

Is this wise 2

2008-06-09T23:11:00.002+01:00

I give up.. this beggars belief..

The move will also reduce the number of cases going through the courts as drunk drivers will be given the opportunity to accept the penalty without protest.

Well that's the important thing, isn't it? No point getting tied up in red tape while there are lives at stake..

I'm staying over here..

Is this wise?

2008-06-08T19:28:00.003+01:00

We're in France at the moment driving around and drinking and eating too much.. Not at the same time, of course. We came over on the ferry last Sunday and it couldn't have gone much smoother. Plain sailing, as they say.. The only thing is that Irish Ferries pipe music into the berths at certain times during the journey. Katie Melua,Eva Cassidy, Andrew lloyd Webber etc.. All fairly tame and generally inoffensive. In the middle of it all though, they played Celine Dion's 'My heart will go on'. From that popular film, Titanic. The one about that boat. The boat that sank.. The boat that sank and most of the passengers died.

I'm not saying it unnerved me as such but it certainly made me think for a moment..

It doesn't matter - vote!

2008-05-30T12:49:00.007+01:00

There's a major ad campaign going on over here at the moment urging voters to learn as much as they can about the Lisbon Treaty before deciding which way they want to vote in June.. All to be encouraged, of course, and I don't want to seem a grouch, but the ads are terrible. The tv ad features people walking around the city without either the upper or lower halves of their body while the voiceover tells us about how important it is to get the full picture before voting. As the ad goes on, more and more peoples' legs and bodies meet and join up as they get the full picture.. It's pants - you it looks like it could be an ad for a multivitamin drink or Actimel or something like that..

There's posters all round town for the same thing. They've got 3 people in each one - a housewife! a farmer! a businessman! Look - it's a student! And that's a bloke in trainers! Hey - it's a pretty girl! Wow - it's all of us, do you see? Brilliant.. They reckon it's costing 5million quid..

All this is before anyone even tells us how they want us to vote.. The agenda posters are a whole other bag of crazy! Would you buy a Lisbon Treaty from this man?
Me neither. And who thought it was a good time to bring monkeys into the equation?

Still, it's not all bad. There's a Lisbon poster around the corner from work. An enterprising individual with an eye for an opportunity has gotten out his paint brush and a tin of paint and embellished the poster. Frankly, I think it's genius..

Radio Days

2008-05-19T19:31:00.005+01:00

Well, after my initial foray into co-presenting on Dublin City's Retrospective Perspective, I've now sat in the squeaky chair opposite Alf another 4 times. I really enjoy doing it - although I flatter myself by suggesting it's co-presenting. It's no such thing. Alf runs the show, calls the shots and does the responsible things like cueing the music, talking to the guests and keeping an eye on time. Usually all at once. I, on the other hand, have the slightly less challenging role of keeping my trap shut until I'm asked something and then waffling on for an indeterminate length of time, ending either when I run out of something to say or Alf gives me a look that tells me to wrap it up pronto!

It looks like Liz who normally hosts the show is going to be taking a bit of a back swat for a while and Alf asked me last week if I fancied doing it on a more regular basis. Do I?! Obviously I said yes, but I think in a strange way if affected the show on Saturday. For one thing I was only drafted in at the last minute to replace Liz on Saturday's show but for another I'm beginning to realise that while it's fun and games to come on for an hour, joke about the news, spar a little with the guests and go home, there's actually a lot more to it that I need to start thinking about. I guess you'd say there's an amount of discipline required and at the moment I'm extremely rough around the edges. Which is fine - rough around the edges has gotten me this far but I began to to notice a week ago that I was winging it too much and if anybody was listening this week I think it would have been clear to them too.. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail and all that stuff..

On a whole other level, last week Simon Mayo won a Sony Award for his 5Live show. I listen to his show most days and he really is terrific. I know he probably has fabulous researchers who are doing a lot of work for him, but he really seems to be engaged and prepared for whatever or whoever is pout in front of him. David Hepworth, on his blog last week, described how Mayo can interview anyone from a prime minister to an actor or musician to, well, anybody and let the interviewee be the story. In Hepworth's words, he doesn't try to make himself the centre of everything. Even when Mark kermode is on doing the film reviews on a Friday, he never responds to Kermode's frequents rants and goading. It might be good to remember that! Actually perhaps that's what Alf is doing when she lets me off the leash once in a while to rage about some burning topic like chickflicks or Brian Cowen's public relations people.. I'm the fool standing proud on high ground and she's the smart one keeping it all together.

Anyway, hopefully this will lead to more frequent and better appearances on Saturday mornings. I realise it's not exactly Terry Gross on npr but with Alf behind the wheel and me (hopefully) learning when to speak and when to shut up who knows what might happen!

Dancing Fool

2008-05-19T19:28:00.000+01:00

Michael in Prague sent me this link of the Czech Elvis, Karel Gott (I think he's still touring now). You never got choreography like this from Boyzone. I just wish I knew what he was saying!

Young Adam

2008-05-19T16:46:00.004+01:00

Couple of things that Adam Buxton has posted on youtube. There's lots more there if you like these. I've been sitting here this afternoon with ice on my sore foot watching all of them. Funny man. And his 6music podcast with Joe Cornish is still essential listening.

Mind the Gap

2008-05-19T16:01:00.004+01:00

I've mentioned once or twice the difficulties facing the taller man in modern society. For every pro, such as being able to see above people at concerts there's several cons (being abused and pushed by people standing behind you at a concert which kinda takes the good out of it all, having to squeeze yourself into tight spots on buses, airplanes and concert venues, banging your head off light fixtures and doorways etc.).

Something else that's always bothered me is just how hard it's always been to find trousers and jeans that are long enough for my legs.. Most stores only stock up to a 34" leg which just about gets to my ankles. Sometimes though you're left with the unfortunate appearance of (to use one of Helen's expressions) looking like I'm waiting for a flood - a situation that occurs when the ends of my trousers don't quite meet the tops of my shoes. Not a good look. In fairness that's not just the plight of the tall man - I see it around a lot with shorter men too. I don't know what their problem is but mine has always come back to the same problem that a) it's hard to find 34" leg jeans and b) even when you do, sometimes they're not really 34" at all. But now it seems my days of worry are over because we (which is to say Helen) recently discovered that The Gap sell 36" jeans (see above). I can't tell how much difference it's made... Well, actually I can - it's made 2 inches difference, but you know what I mean. I was in there last week and bought a bunch of things. All of which make it down to the floor and, as a result, make me feel as though I look a bit more like a normal punter!

So, all credit to Gap for thinking of the tall people. They've made a tall man very happy.

All that you need

2008-05-08T14:33:00.002+01:00

Because I was away last week and have been rather busy since I haven't managed to put anything up here for a little while. In an attempt to push Chris de Burgh off the top of the page, I'm putting up this pic of a typo I spotted at a funfair in Prague the other week. Imagine going to the trouble of getting a big colourful sign for your bungee machine only to make a grammatical error. Fos shame! I love this sort of thing..

And just for a little added value, here's my favourite funfair joke.

Did you hear about the bumper car attendant who lost his job?
He sued for funfair dismissal!

Normal service will resume soon..

Cringe de Burgh

2008-04-29T12:29:00.005+01:00

I caught about 5 minutes of the Late Late Show the other night but it was worth it! Chris De Burgh was sitting at a piano being interviewed by Pat. It was a strange one - Chris sat while Pat stood above him possibly trying to mask just how short he is. Chris talked about how popular he is overseas (Beirut, Moscow and Iran to name just 3 cultural hotspots) and how his daughter is eclipsing his popularity (he seems a little put-out by that).

Anyway, it was the usual flim-flam you'd expect from Pat but when it ended, Chris stood up and said something from the heart. Actually, he said it was unscripted which makes you wonder if the rest of it is scripted.So Chris stood up, took Pat by the hand and told the audience that he's known Pat for 30 years and he gets a huge amount of flak. He said that we've no idea how tough it us to do Pat's job and he's a helluva professional and a great fellow.

All very nice and probably quite heartfelt (I'm being a bit generous) but you have to wonder how big Chris de Burgh's ego is that he thought: 'Pat's been getting a rough ride from the public and the media lately. What he really needs is someone to stand up publicly and defend him. Someone the people will listen to. Someone whose every word the media clings to. Someone... someone... someone like me!!'

It takes a lot to embarrass Pat Kenny. Week in, week out he has to sit through some terrible panels and monosyllabic guests. To say nothing of the Toy Show. But this was genuine, cover your eyes & ears and hide under the couch material..

You can see it here.. Unfortunately, you have to sit through the whole 8 or 9 minutes of the interview. He sang Borderline at the start which begs the question, what do you do when your song stays the same but your voice can't cut it anymore. In Chris' case you just close your eyes and go for it!

But in fairness, in the spirit of decency and credit-where-it's-due-ness, Chris de Burgh did write Lonely Sky which is a fantastic song. I suppose I can't take that away from him.. And in the 80s his father lived in Wexford and Chris was always terribly nice to my friend Monica when she called down to see him. But that was then and I can't help thinking that Beirut and Iran's gain is Ireland's gain too!

Once more for Danny..

2008-04-25T12:34:00.004+01:00

This is the video tribute that Bruce Springsteen has been showing as the band's taken to the stage since Danny Federici's death last week. There's no question that Bruce is a sentimental old goat at the best of times but if you care about these things, it's very touching.

Always leave them wanting more

2008-04-25T10:49:00.003+01:00

I don't know much about live music (obviously newspapers is more my thing!) but even I know that the first rule of showbiz is to get off stage before the audience gets tired of you. Somebody needs to tell King Creosote. We went to his rescheduled concert in Crawdaddy and by the time he left the stage 2 hours after he started there was nobody in the room still listening to him.

He's a lovely bloke and he had a great band with him but seriously, whatever happened to quitting while you're ahead? He began the show with a nice touch - by giving out free cds as a way of apologising for cancelling his show in January. Once he got started though it turned into a strange stop/start affair. He's got a lovely expressive smiley face and a nice line in self-deprecating humour but someone needs to sit him down and talk to him about pacing a show. It was all starting to sound a bit samey as he reached the encore.

He prefaced the last song by saying that they were going to do one more and then 2 encores. I think he'd been on about 75 minutes at this stage and that was plenty. After the encore, as the audience were beginning to do the post gig shuffle towards the door, he stuck his head out from behind a speaker and came out to do another encore to a response that could best be described as underwhelming. Now I can fake whelm as much as the next fella but I wasn't really up for much more. When he'd eventually found his guitar lead he started to take requests from a bunch of diehards in the front row. At one point he asked what time the curfew was set to only to be told that in face, there as no curfew. So he played. And he played. And when you thought he might be done, he played some more. And then did a big finish with lots of jumping up and down and noodly noodles with his lead guitarist. And then he played and he played some more.. At one point I'm sure tumbleweeds blew across the floor of the venue but, undeterred, he kept going..

By the end, the diehards in the front row were taking pictures of themselves and paying little or no attention to the man rocking out needlessly onstage.. He finished to very polite applause and left the stage, rocked out and unloved..

It's possible I'm being harsh but judging from the number of people talking as he played and all the mobile phone beeps and buzzes that were going off, everybody seemed to have better places to be. I did - by the time I got to O'Connells I'd missed last orders. I hope he's learnt an important lesson!

Still it's hard not to like him. He recently sold one of songs to Coca Cola for an advertisement. Inevitably, he got a lot of abuse from his fans who accused him of selling out to the man etc etc. In his defence he said that at least he was taking money from Coke while everybody else is giving it to them. Enough said. Besides -it's a good ad.

Tomorrow the world!

2008-04-22T13:50:00.003+01:00

So phase 3 of my plan for world domination is complete.. After the radio and web stuff, I'm in today's Irish Independent (page 16 - above the fold!) and on their website talking about Home Insurance. Because obviously I'm the guy you go to if you want to know anything about home insurance! I'm even on the front page. My mother will be so proud.. They've got my picture captioned as "Deal Hunter" which the guys in the office are getting great mileage out of. I expect a picture of my head superimposed on Steve Irwin's will pop up on the notice board any minute..

It's a funny thing - last week I had to talk to Charlie Weston, the journalist, who wrote the piece for about 10 minutes. And it took about a half hour for the photgrapher to do his stuff on Wednesday evening too. Which makes me wonder how on earth newspapers get published everyday. I mean it was a 10 minute conversation that barely filled 4 very small columns.. How much work does it tale to get the rest of the paper ready. And then there's the supplements.

It's not a bad picture though. From now on, all photos of me have to be taken from a height - you can get way with all sorts!

So long, Danny

2008-04-18T13:51:00.003+01:00

Danny Federici, long-time organist in the E Street Band, died yesterday in New York.. Last November he quit Springsteen's current tour to receive treatment for melanoma. It was thought at the time that he'd return to the band for this summer's tour but it wasn't to be. When Springsteen changed his onstage announcement about Danny from 'we hope we'll be seeing him soon' to 'keep him in your prayers and thoughts' it was clear that something wasn't right. I've said it before but there's something about the unique brotherhood (and sisterhood) that the E Street Band have that lifts the music they play to a different place. Really it doesn't matter what you think of the songs, I don't think many people could watch an E Street Band show and not get a sense of the history and joy they've shared for so long. Up until last year it was a great source of pride for Springsteen that his band had stayed healthy and well for so long. That landscape has changed forever now..

About a month ago in Indianapolis, He had dinner with some of the E Streeters who cajoled him into coming on stage that night for a few songs. The clip above is from a rare performance of Sandy, one of the band's earliest songs. It's structured around Danny's accordion and manages to conjure up feelings of youthful desire and warm, endless summers. Even in cold, windy Dublin..

It was fitting that when Danny left the band in November, the audience was able to give him the send off he deserved. And with that performance last month it's only tight that he got to take one last bow before leaving. Saying he'll be missed really is understating things.

Now I'm off to listen to Kitty's Back and wipe the dust from my eye.

The really low fare airline

2008-04-17T13:42:00.007+01:00

So aer lingus mistakenly sold 100 business class seats on flights to the US for €5 instead of €1,775 and are now refusing to honour the flights..

It's hard to see how they're going to get out of this one. Particularly if the Consumers' Association get involved, as the surely will. Clearly it's a sickener for Aer Lingus and selling €177,500 worth of seats for €500 is enough to put a dent in anyone's mood but as I understand it once you've booked a flight onlne with Aer Lingus or Ryanair, you can't change it, can you? So how can the provider?

What I'd really like to know is who bought the tickets. I mean is it one of those situations where somebody saw a bargain and told all their friends who, in turn logged on to book the same flight? If that's the case it could be an uncomfortable 8 hours for the punters who usually travel in business class.. Perhaps the flight attendants will be instructed to water down the drinks for those in the (very) cheap seats. Or hide their life jackets..

Also, doesn't it seem incredible that a one way ticket on business class costs €1,775? I've travelled in business class (although not lately so perhaps it's changed) but I can't see why anyone would pay that much. And this is from the bloke who had no feeling in his legs after Monday night's fiasco..

Although, if I won the Lotto I might need to review that policy.. And there'd better not be any freeloaders up there with me!

What KT did

2008-04-16T14:05:00.004+01:00

I spent the morning listening to the fantastic soundtrack to Todd Hayne's I'm Not There, his 'sort-of but not really' Dylan biopic.. Anyway, Wilco's Jeff Teedy covers Simple Twist of Fate on the cd and it's terrific. Simple Twist of Fate is, for me, one of Dylan's very best songs and Tweedy makes a decent stab of it..

But it sent me back searching for this..

This is KT Tunstall and her band performing the same song at a BBC Bob Dylan tribute show a couple of years ago. It's fantastic. I mean it's really great. I kinda like her stuff anyway but this is surely the best thing she's done. And I don't know if it's intentional or if she did it to suit herself but at critical points in the song she's changed the lyrics.

This is Dylan singing the same song in 1975 with Scarlett Riviera on violin. At the end when the girl has left, KT's version has the male character telling himself that he doesn't care that she's gone. Bob has him in the room looking at a note and not understanding what's happened..

Of course it's entirely possible that Bob has written two versions himself. He's just that good. I could check but in a way I don't think I want to know.. Both versions work.

Incidentally on the topic of the soundtrack, there's lots of great stuff on there (and lots of rubbish too - I'm looking at you Antony Hegarty) but by far the best thing is Cat Power's take of Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again. She's mad as a box of frogs but then so is the song. You can still hear it here. It's flippin' marvelous!

A Tall Tale

2008-04-15T23:09:00.003+01:00

So there I was yesterday evening walking on to an Aer Lingus flight to Dublin after a very enjoyable weekend in Prague. I'm a tall man and it irks me that whenever I fly, I have to sit cramped into my seat with my legs jammed into the seat in front for several hours. But I'm a nice guy and I don't like to complain..

With that in mind, here's a three-part conversation I had with the woman sitting in front of me. I've done my best not to embellish. Although if you want to imagine me as some kind of George Clooneyesque hero standing up for the rights of the tall man, please be my guest.

It started the moment I sat down on the flight before I'd even fastened my seatbelt.. actually she had been barking at me for a while before I realised she was talking to me. When I finally realised I'd upset her she had already started..

Woman: Now listen here. I don't want your legs sticking in to my back on this flight.
Me: Excuse me?
Woman: I said I do not want your knees sticking in to my seat on this flight.
Me: Well, I'm 6ft 5 and I don't really have anywhere else to put them.
Woman:I don't care what you are - but I won't have your legs sticking in to my seat.
Me: Well short of chopping off my legs I don't know what I can do to help.
Woman: How rude! I don't care what you do but I won't put up with it. If you don't do what I say I'm calling the nurse.
Me: You mean the flight attendant.
Woman: Don't you tell me what I mean. Such rudeness! Just do what I say and stop being so bloody disrespectful...

She then turned to the people sitting beside her and tut-tut-tutted about me. The girl beside me smiled sympathetically and I, like a bloody fool, kept my knees to myself.

About an hour into the flight, this lovely old lady pushed her seat back and, not surprisingly, it went into my knees..

Woman: I thought I told you not to put your knees into my back.
Me: I didn't - you reclined your seat into my knees..
Woman: How dare you speak this way. Such a rude man. Move your knees or I'm calling for help..

The man sitting opposite me looked up from his laptop and did one of those blokeish shrug things that men do to show solidarity.. I sat out the rest of the flight with my legs caught under the seat in front, fuming..

When the flight ended I stood up and got my bag and coat out from the overhead compartment. The woman stood up, tugged my shirt and with the kind of cheek I almost find admirable, said:

Woman: Well the least you can do now take my bag down for me.
Me: No.
Woman: How dare you? How can you be so inconsiderate?
Me: I'm sorry - I've just sat for 2 and a half hours with my legs stuck behind your seat. Despite your rudeness, I've been respectful and considerate but now I don't have to be. Get your own bag and have a good evening
Woman: Whinge, noise, whingey noise rude rude blah...

Anybody think I was too harsh. On reflection I can't help feeling that I should've got the bag. But she was so rude and my flight was so uncomfortable that I just didn't have niceness in me.. Besides she was a wagon..

Either way I wasn't too worried - I'm fairly sure I could've taken her in a fight. Just not on a flight..

Conlee Towers

2008-04-15T18:27:00.003+01:00

I'm a big fan of the sleeveface phenomeneon. People take record covers and combine the image on the cover with a real live human person! Fantastic stuff and there's examples on the sleeveface website that are really very impressive..

Yesterday I was in a second-hand record shop in Prague with Michael and we discovered a record that we just had to use. I've never heard of John Conlee and it's a terrible cover but what a great sleeveface opportunity.. We had to rush it and it's not great but hey - for a first effort it's not bad. I'm sorry to say that I didn't buy the record though cos I had a handful of albums already under my arm and didn't fancy chucking in a novelty purchase. Not when I already had the Rocky Horror and Oklahoma soundtracks and a Gilbert O'Sullivan LP!

Hearing? Shearing?

2008-04-15T18:25:00.004+01:00

I'm saying that 'You're Hearing George Shearing' is perhaps the worst album title I've ever read..

Bored waiting to board

2008-04-10T15:47:00.004+01:00

I'm killing time in Dublin Airport waiting for my flight to Prague.. Going to see if i get this done before my 50c runs out! I was just in Hughes & Hughes bookstore buying a magazine and generally loitering about the place. I picked up State - Ireland's new music magazine. I don't recognise any of the bands in it which means I'm either really out of touch or State is really a niche publication. I suspect the 'out of touch' option may be the reality. Nice layout though.

Anyway an American woman was going crazy because the shop didn't have Patricia Cornwall's new book in stock. She just threw her hands up in the air and shouted 'I mean - what kind of bookstore is this?' It's an airport book store. You're only supposed to buy magazines and chocolatnes.. You have to wonder how badly someone needs to read a book. And if she really needs to read it, why couldn't she have bought it in a proper book shop. Such a rude women.

In other airport news, there's a really loud alarm going off that's been ringing (or beeping) for several minutes. DAA keep making this announcement: 'DAA wish to advise that the alarm you can hear is currently being investigated'. I hope they tell us what it is before I get on the plane.. Although I fear it's the kind of noise that I'll be hearing for some time after it stops..

Beep beep beep beep beep beep.....

Annoying, isn't it?

Right - I'm off to look at aftershaves and wristwatches..

Shut up and dance

2008-04-09T14:28:00.004+01:00

Good old Madonna - she really does talk some trash, doesn't she? I thought her rants about the London congestion charges and her request that musicians travel for free was daft enough but she's outdone herself with this rubbish about Britney Spears. I'm often a bit reluctant to quote breaking news, particularly when it comes to showbiz gossip but this seems to have come from MSNBC so perhaps she really did say all this...

I'm lifting this directly from the report:

Madonna has compared Britney Spears' plight to the suffering people of Africa, calling the press coverage of her problems a "terrible infliction of cruelty".

She tells MSNBC.com: "It's very painful (seeing pictures of Spears). When you think about the way people treat each other in Africa, about witchcraft and people inflicting cruelty and pain on each other, then come back here and, you know, people taking pictures of people when they're in their homes, being taken to hospitals, or suffering, and selling them, getting energy from them, that's a terrible infliction of cruelty.

"So who's worse off? You know what I mean?"

It's all further evidence supporting my theory that pop stars shouldn't be allowed to talk about anything other than their new record. Footballers should pipe down too. But that's because most of them can't string a couple of words together. Pop stars, on the other hand, can string several words together and think that this makes them very interesting and worth us paying attention to. They're very wrong.

I, however, should be allowed say whatever I want.

You've jumped over the fence baby!!

2008-04-09T13:20:00.005+01:00

It's no secret that RTE's Champions League football coverage is the best in these islands. I never watch live foorball any more but I always try to catch a look at the post-match ding-dongs on RTE's site. It really is terrific stuff. Last night's show was a case in the point. After Liverpool had beaten Arsenal in (depending on whether or not you support Liverpool) dubious circumstances, Eamon Dunphy, Graeme Souness and Liam Brady (an Arsenal employee, of course) took apart the evening's events. And Eamon and Graeme took an ever-increasingly sulky Liam apart at the same time. Brady's hissy fit after RTE showed footage of Wenger's animated touchline behaviour was priceless.

And Bill O'Herlihy's gentle chastisement of Liam when he accidently announced the result of the Chelsea game before RTE showed the highlights shows why, even when the panelists are this entertaining, you still need a strong host to hold it altogether. Bill's the man.

The clip above is just a small sample. The whole thing is available in the Video Highlights at the bottom right of this page. I'm saying it's the funniest thing RTE has produced this year.

Shoe's sorry now..

2008-04-09T10:10:00.001+01:00

Walking to work this morning I saw an attractive girl walking in the opposite direction. She was like most city girl types you see walking to work in the morning. Dressed for business with her immaculate blazer and skirt, she was flying down Camden Street listening to her ipod, carrying her moccachoccafrappalatte and with her long hair just so.. But something was slightly amiss. It's not unusual to see city girls (and some city boys) walking to work wearing trainers with their suits. With their heels in their handbag they can glide along with pace and purpose and change when they get to the office. Some wear trainers while the more committed ones bounce along in their MBTs. The girl I saw this morning was wearing a big white NIKE trainer thing on her right foot and a big Black NIKE trainer thing on her left. It looked ridiculous. She can't have meant to do this, can she? I mean I know The Kids sometimes wear odd shoes but this was no kid.. But how would you make this mistake. The trainers couldn't have looked more different. How could you confuse them?

I dunno - maybe it's a new look for girls this season. When it comes to fashion, nothing surprises me anymore.

Although I must admit I never saw those city shorts coming along.

Don't Look Down

2008-04-07T13:57:00.007+01:00

This is similar to a clip that I tried to pinch from David Hepworth's blog.. It's called Caminito del Rey and should you fancy a go, you'll find it in Malaga. Considering the kind of consent froms you have to sign for things like the Inca trail or adventure activivites such as bungee jumps and skydiving, I wonder how many "If I die, it's my own stupid fault" forms would these guys have to sign to be allowed on it. Several, one would hope.

The Price of Victory

2008-04-06T14:24:00.010+01:00

So we rushed down to the bookies yesterday at about 4.10 yesterday to chuck some money at the Grand National.. We picked 3 nags at random, hotfooted it back to The Shelbourne where there was a big screen showing the race. One of our random choices, Comply Or Die came home first (I believe the technical term is romped). Anyway there's something funny that happens when I win a few quid on the horses. The money won is used to pay for about 7 different things - even if it only covers the cost of one. So far the windfall has supposedly paid for:
1. A couple of rounds of drinks in the Shelbourne (that pretty much took care of the jackpot right there).
2. Another round of drinks in the bar of Jurys in Ballsbridge.
3. Breakfast this morning in the Woodstock Cafe in Phibsborough.

It's Sunday lunchtime and we're heading in to town soon. I have my eye on some new phones fr the huouse. I imagine by tonight the money will be spent 3 or 4 times over..

Thank God I'm not a serious gambler - I don't think I could afford to win very often!

In a tight spot

2008-04-06T14:08:00.005+01:00

Saw this car yesterday in Drury Street.. Whoever parked somehow managed to get the side of their car right up against the column.. And they'd about 2 feet on the other side.. Would love to have seen them trying to get out without scraping it..

Be coreful what you wish for..

2008-04-06T13:23:00.004+01:00

I found myself meeting friends of Helen in The Shelbourne yesterday.. I'm not a man who finds himself in the bar of a 5 star hotel often and whenever I do I imagine it as some kind of act of Class War.. I don't want to seem harsh, and I'm sure they're all lovely people, but there's something about the flashiness, the fake tan and the even faker designer bags that makes me want to puncture a few egos.. And that's just the men..

Anyway, needless to say the people I was meeting aren't like that at all (well, not all of them) and buoyed by a great result in the Grand National I wasn't having a bad time at all.. One of the girls in our group bumped into an old friend at the bar. I won't say his name but he's the guitarist in a particularly bland Irish pop/rock band famous for the attractiveness of some of of it's members. After he was introduced to us, he sat down and the first thing he said to us was "Don't mention the band or I'll slap yis". Charming stuff. Of course now he was in a bit of a pickle. Because since we weren't allowed talk about the band (and really, in your wildest dreams you couldn't really think of much to say about them) we didn't really have anything to say to him at all.. So he sat there in silence, drinking his mojito and listened to a bunch of people he'd never met before talking about things that he couldn't contribute to.. In truth he cut a bit of a pathetic figure in his expensive clothes and his sunglasses..

Eventually he was rescued when a friend phoned him and he left to go and have a burger - soakage, as he put it, to prepare him for the night ahead.. The last I saw of him he was rattling a door that was clearly locked trying to get out.. Shuffling out of a hotel that he'd been drinking in alone to have a burger.

Such is the glamorous life of an MOR rock star.. I wouldn't really fancy it much..