Stop it!

In terms of over-using an expression in general conversation, is anyone else sick of people saying 'in terms of'? I was listening to the radio this morning and the presenters and reporters couldn't ask or answer a question without throwing 'in terms of' at the wall several times.. It's all over the BBC as well at the moment. I don't know when it started but it seems to have overtaken 'at the end of the day', 'literally' and 'amaaaaazing' in terms of words and expression that are being flogged to death at the moment.

Drive on

Ok - I've hung in as long as I can on this one but I give up now.. Does anybody know what the rules are regarding provisional drivers in this country?

The reaction to the news that the government has decided to try to enforce the laws about provisional drivers has been hilarious. The face that they climbed down as quickly as they did is not so funny.. I have real sympathy for learner drivers who need their car for work. And I've got as much sympathy for learner drivers who are genuinely trying to get their full licence but there's a lot of chancers out there who have never sat a drving test and have no intention of doing so. They're the ones who've repsonded to the news of the clampdown with outrage and indignation. One corresepndent to the Irish Independent the other day claimed that it was provisional drivers who were responsible for Fianna Fail wininng the last election. Really?

I think Noel Dempsey was very foolish if it thought he could change the rules overnight and not expect the reaction he got. It may have been ill-advised but I like that he's showing willing and hopefully the opposition will get off his back and see if he can really do something about the problem in the timeline he's suggested.

Anyway, I've exhausted myself on the topic over the weekend so I'll shut up for now. However can we all agree that people who have put their L plates upside down should have their licences cancelled? It's a bit of an epidemic in this town. If the driver of this car doesn't know up from down, should they really be let loose on the road?

Slept it off..

Rubbish! Tried that toxic cleanser stuff last night and felt the very same when I woke up this morning. Althoguh in its defence the plaster thingy that I put on my feet had turned from white to a dirty murky brown so maybe there's something in it..

It may have been optimistic to expect several weeks overindulgence to be cleansed over the course of 7 hours sleep.

Still - I may stick to the water, fruit and vegetable approach from here on. That never fails..

Sleep it off..

Been away for a few days and haven't been on top of the blog at all. I've lots to talk about when I get a minute.

So I spent the weekend in Tipperary and Cork overeating, over-drinking and genrerally overindulging.. Now it's the end of the long weekend and the there's about 4 or 5 weeks before the Christmas silliness will start to kick in so I'm going to try a little healthy detox..

To help me on my way, I'm going to give this a lash tonight. I picked it up over the weekend after me massage (no, really) and it's supposed to draw out all the toxins in my body through my feet. Overnight. Sounds like bollox to me but we'll give it a go in the name of research.. There's a magic silver bag sachet that I'm supposed to put on an adhesive strip and then put the whole thing on the soles of my feet. As I sleep the Agarikus Mushroom, Eucalyptus tree vine and Tourmaline Bio Stone will do the trick. According to the (lovely) packaging, this product has been tested on the Toxic Twins so that's ok.

Wait - didn't they used to call Steven Tyler and Joe Perry from Aerosmith the Toxic Twins? Well who doesn't want to look like them?! So, I'm going toput this stuff on in a minute and hopefully I'll wake up fresh faced and energised in the morning. Or not...

Would you buy a used car from this man?

I have no problem with this. Not surprisingly Dylan is taking a bit of a hammering for appearing in this new ad for Cadillac. Cue lots of commentators bleating about selling-out. As if he didn't do that years and years ago. The fact that he's doing it to promote his own radio show too doesn't seem to be buying him much slack. I dunno - does Dylan's position as the most signifcant artist of the last 50 years (I know that's debatable but who else comes close?) suffer because he does a commercial for a car? Is his credibility really at risk because he appeared in a commercial for Victoria's Secret?

In this longer version of the ad, which is more of a tie-in with his radio show than a commerical, Dylan claims, "You know what's even better than a great road tune? Not having some DJ talking all over it. Unless, of course, that DJ is me." Now, I just think that's funny.

Is doing an ad for a car company more or less an act of artistic bankruptcy than releasing yet another cash-in compilation album, as Dylan did recently? Or several terrible live albums of barely recognisable old songs? Or performing hundreds of lousy shows under the influence of booze, drugs or with contempt for your audience? I'm not so sure any of these things are influenced by artistic pursuits as much as they are by financial pursuits. And as long as people are prepared to hand over cash for them I've no problem with that either..

As far as I know, there's no sponsorship of his radio shows. There's certainly no ads during it a from those vintage ads he sometimes plays for products that no longer exist) so why shouldn't the producers try to make a bit of cash to keep the show on the air and pay for a few mint juleps? The shows are so good that Dylan could start making ads for Cillit Bang and I still wouldn't care.. "Hi I'm Bob Dylan..."

Ultiamtely it's all about making a buck. Salvador Dali went on What's My Line and Orson Wells did commericals for frozen food but nobody seems to mind now. When Dylan dies, do you think anyone will care about a Cadillac commercial? By the way, if you've never listened to this clip of Orson Wells recording a frozen peas commerical, you really should. Who'd want to be the writer or director dealing with him that day..

And while we're at it I've got no problem with these either.. Although Bob's is way cooler than Macca's..

A fate better than death?

All this talk in the papers about Steve 'Stan' Staunton's position as Irish manager is making me laugh a bit. I keep hearing and reading that today is the day a decision will be made on his future and he's expected to pay the ultimate price for failure. Now call me pedantic, but isn't the ultimate price usually death? And not an €800,000 pay-off and a few 'another fine mess you've got us into' headlines in the tabs. He really must be hurting today..

If the punishment for failing to beat the likes of Cyprus at home really was death, perhaps we'd have seen a bit more commitment to the cause on Wednesday night..

But hey - let's not waste time talking about football. As someone who's been accused of bearing more than a passing resemblance to Staunton, I'll be glad to see the back of him!

A pint of your finest..

Alright - I've been warned not to go on about this too much but I really can't let the opportunity pass without reporting that I gave blood last week for the first time. I'd been to the clinic once before about 6 years ago. The company I worked for at the time organised a bus to come and take several of us down to D'Olier Sreet to give up a pint of the red stuff. We all rolled in and, one-by-one, realised that for a variety of reasons, including foreign nationality, recent illnesses, iron deficiency, unprotected sex with dubious characters and regular, enthuiastic consumption of various class A drugs, we wouldn't be able to donate. I won't say what my excuse was but let me assure you that there's never been a problem with my iron levels!

So, I went in last Thursday evening and filled out the questionnaire they give you when you arrive. There's lots of questions about drug use, medical history and general well-being etc. to consider. You have to answer no to all the questions. Which is easy because nobody would ever say yes to any of them! Not to a stranger at least. If the answer to any of the questions was yes, I think I'd just bin the form and run for the hills. No need to let a middle-aged woman know what you've been up to.. As it was, I was brought into a consultation room where a man looked at my form and asked me all the questions again. As if I might answer the question 'have you had unprotected sex with someone who has paid for sex in the last 12 months' any differently the second time around. Unless, of course, they think you might have odne it in the time you were waiting between completing the form and having the consultation. It's possible I guess.

So after I passed the test, I was taken into a room where my blood was tested for iron content (or something - I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying) and then I was led into the Bloody Chamber. Actually that's not what it was called but I thought it sounded better. The woman taking blood out of me didn't laugh though.. They took my blood pressure first which was good, I think. 100 over 60. That's good, isn't it? After that they tried to find a vein which was a bit of an effort. I've never been the veiniest of boys really - although the same can't be said for me being the vainest of boys, a title for which I've been competing aggressively for some time now. In the end, they gave up on my left arm, moved on to the right and hit gold. Or blood, I suppose. And that was it. I was given a little dog toy (but not a toy dog, which might have been fun) to exercise my fist, told not to cross my legs (which seemesed a bit silly - but I guess it's really important) and spend about 10 minutes chating to a lovely woman about rugby and tennis. Two subjects that I dont really have 10 minutes worth of chitterchatter going spare. Still - i held in and waited patiently while she extracted a pint of really red blood from my right arm. I'm sure everyone says that their blood seems really dark but it did.. Much darker than when you cut a finger or something.

Afterwards I went off to the little canteen and had chocolate and Guinness. They actually give you Guinness. I thought that was a bit of a myth but they really did. In a way I was worried Id be one of those people who faints after they give blood but afterwards I was a little put out that I felt fine. I was hoping for some kind of wooziness or something. Just for kicks really. But no, I felt fine throughout. It really is quite painless. I'm actually a little embarassed that it took me this long to give blood. I expect I'll be back sooner rather than later. I'm going to find out this week what kind of blood I've got. I hope it's something rare. I expect it won't be though.


Actually, if anyone from the Blood Transfusion Board is reading (you never know - someone claiming to be from Dublin Port posted last week!), I have to give them top marks for the operation in there. I know that it's their job to make people feel good and well looked after but they're really doing great work.

Go on - drop in some time and give them a pint. You'll feel better and, more importantly, so will someone else.