For One Night Only..

Bit of a treat on Thursday night.. The Hellser managed to wangle us a night in the Merrion Hotel. While not being averse to a bit of hob-nobbing and luxury, I have to admit that this was a bit of a step-up for me. The last time I was at the Merrion I was standing outside while Bruce Springsteen signed autographs and posed for pictures with a bunch of Italian fans. And me, of course, but that's a different story. This time though I got to see what it was like from Bruce's side of the Merrion's sparkling sliding doors. And it's nice. It's very nice. I don't know how Bruce feels while his boots click and clack their way around the hard marble floors but I can't pretend that I felt at home.. He's probably had a little more practice than I have.

Anyway the Hellser was out with clients so I had the place to myself for a few hours. It's a funny thing - and I'm not looking for sympathy here - but really if you're in the most luxurious hotel room that you've ever seen on your own, does it really matter that it's luxurious? I mean, once you've had your fill of the complimentary chocolate-covered strawberries and a few glasses of Baileys (free!), what else is there to do? What's that? The world's smallest violin? Point taken.. Anyway, I took a bath and played with the safe and had a good root through the minibar (€3.50 for a bag of m&ms, €5.00 for a small tub of Pringles) but soon the novelty wore off and I was just a bloke in a hotel room watching tv. In fluffy slippers. You can see why at this point men of a certain persuasion dial out for strippers and drugs..

After a while I started to feel a little hungry (because the choccy strawberries just weren't filling enough) and I thought of going out but I'd soaked myself in a bath for an hour and, seriously, I just couldn't move. Besides I had a big red face from the bath and I didn't think I could wander around the hotel unnoticed with a tomato where my head used to be! Then I thought of ordering room service but I didn't have anything smaller than a €50 note on me and I'd already stiffed the chap who led me to the room. Do you have to tip everyone in these places? I always tip in restaurants and bars but I've no experience of tipping room service in hotels. Is it like on tv where everyone tips? Fair enough if that's the case but all I had was a €50 and they weren't getting that for a club sandwich! So I didn't order anything. I just lay on the bed.. Too weary to go out and too scared to dial-in.. Trapped. In Paradise.

I wonder does Bruce ever have the same problem. Perhaps he could write a folk song about it sometime. We know how he likes to sing about the under-privileged! I might do it myself and call it the 'Trapped in a 5-Star Hotel With a Bunch of €50 Note Blues' I think that'll appeal to the common man!