Your own worst NME

I swear I only do this for the puntastic titles.

Anyway, anybody know who this is? Anyone? Nope - me neither. Rock magazine NME has just published its annual cool list and this cheeky fella is officially the coolest person in rock. I know it's an annual list because some of the lucky coolheads have a number beside their name indicating how cooler or warmer they are than this timne last year. Our friend here is Frank Carter from Gallows. Not that you'll need to remember it. As you can see from the list, below, Frank arrived from nowhere to arrive at the top of the list and I daresay he picked up a return ticket before starting his journey..

To save you the bother I've done a little bit of research into young Frank. According the the list, 2007 was the year that punk broke again (really? again? what's it been - about 10 minutes since it last broke?) and Frank led the charge. It then adds menacingly "It was blood at first sight..." Jesus - and he seems like such a nice young boy.

But then I started to read that Frank, or Frankie-boy, as his friends probably don't call him, has been having a hard time lately. It seems the blood spilling, punk-charging king of cool has been feeling the pressure of being the man of the moment. This is what he had to say at a recent show:

"I'm going to level with you guys, I was out there crying before because I don't know if I can do this any more," Carter declared from the stage. "I don't know if I can play for you cunts any more." "I was on the phone to my mum and I said, 'I've had enough of this shit'. My mum said to me, 'You're just like me, you care too much'," explained Carter, adding that Gallows would continue. "It's too important for us to quit."

Brings a tear to the eye doesn't it? You have to wonder what's going to happen to th poor lamb when he actualy starts to sell records and play big gigs. If he's cool now and nobody really knows him, well the only way is down, isn't it? How times change. When things were getting too much for Sid Vicious, punk's original trailblazer and (literally) blood-spiller, did he cry and call his mum? Actually he did, didn't he? But that was because he'd just killed his girlfriend (maybe) and needed heroin. And his good old mum did the right thing. She visited him, gave him his gear and he promptly died. I wonder did Sid ever get to the top of an NME list. I'm sure he must have. Still - it sounds like Frank needs to toughen up a bit.

Here's the Top 10. I've made up a couple for kicks.. Obviously I haven't made up Keith Richards at no.10. Nobody could make that up..

1. Frank Carter – Gallows
2. Jamie Reynolds – Klaxons (13)
3. Sexxyheels – Spank (10)
4. Ryan Jarman – The Cribs
5. Dirty Slax - The Growlers
6. Alex Turner – Arctic Monkeys (32)
7. Kate Nash
8. Amy Winehouse (50)
9. Kitty Kaht – The Fucknothings (1)
10. Keith Richards – The Rolling Stones (26)