A Tall Tale

So there I was yesterday evening walking on to an Aer Lingus flight to Dublin after a very enjoyable weekend in Prague. I'm a tall man and it irks me that whenever I fly, I have to sit cramped into my seat with my legs jammed into the seat in front for several hours. But I'm a nice guy and I don't like to complain..

With that in mind, here's a three-part conversation I had with the woman sitting in front of me. I've done my best not to embellish. Although if you want to imagine me as some kind of George Clooneyesque hero standing up for the rights of the tall man, please be my guest.

It started the moment I sat down on the flight before I'd even fastened my seatbelt.. actually she had been barking at me for a while before I realised she was talking to me. When I finally realised I'd upset her she had already started..

Woman: Now listen here. I don't want your legs sticking in to my back on this flight.
Me: Excuse me?
Woman: I said I do not want your knees sticking in to my seat on this flight.
Me: Well, I'm 6ft 5 and I don't really have anywhere else to put them.
Woman:I don't care what you are - but I won't have your legs sticking in to my seat.
Me: Well short of chopping off my legs I don't know what I can do to help.
Woman: How rude! I don't care what you do but I won't put up with it. If you don't do what I say I'm calling the nurse.
Me: You mean the flight attendant.
Woman: Don't you tell me what I mean. Such rudeness! Just do what I say and stop being so bloody disrespectful...

She then turned to the people sitting beside her and tut-tut-tutted about me. The girl beside me smiled sympathetically and I, like a bloody fool, kept my knees to myself.

About an hour into the flight, this lovely old lady pushed her seat back and, not surprisingly, it went into my knees..

Woman: I thought I told you not to put your knees into my back.
Me: I didn't - you reclined your seat into my knees..
Woman: How dare you speak this way. Such a rude man. Move your knees or I'm calling for help..

The man sitting opposite me looked up from his laptop and did one of those blokeish shrug things that men do to show solidarity.. I sat out the rest of the flight with my legs caught under the seat in front, fuming..

When the flight ended I stood up and got my bag and coat out from the overhead compartment. The woman stood up, tugged my shirt and with the kind of cheek I almost find admirable, said:

Woman: Well the least you can do now take my bag down for me.
Me: No.
Woman: How dare you? How can you be so inconsiderate?
Me: I'm sorry - I've just sat for 2 and a half hours with my legs stuck behind your seat. Despite your rudeness, I've been respectful and considerate but now I don't have to be. Get your own bag and have a good evening
Woman: Whinge, noise, whingey noise rude rude blah...

Anybody think I was too harsh. On reflection I can't help feeling that I should've got the bag. But she was so rude and my flight was so uncomfortable that I just didn't have niceness in me.. Besides she was a wagon..

Either way I wasn't too worried - I'm fairly sure I could've taken her in a fight. Just not on a flight..